Author: ophelia11
Rating: PG-13 for pottymouths and innuendo. Strong chance for naughtiness later on.
Disclaimer: The story is mine. The characters are not. :(
Feedback: Pretty please? Please leave feedback on the Impulse thread on the Kitten Board.

Because the only way to stop the fear is by living. Just living, being with your family, your friends...We live while we can, laugh while we can, love while we can. - Army Wives episode: Goodbye Stranger, Pamela Moran

A pounding at the door broke Willow from her sleep. She rolled on to her back and groaned loudly. For the past several weeks she slept nightmare-free. Its return came with a vengeance and her body felt heavy and lethargic. Another round of knocks forced her out of bed.

On the way out of the bedroom she stubbed her toe on the frame and continued to grumble all the way to the front door. With one bleary eye she peered out in to the hallway and felt some of her impending bad mood begin to roll off like rain. She used the heal of her hand to rub her eyes while she fumbled with the locks.

On the other side of the door Tara shifted her weight from foot to foot. "Will?"

Willow finally managed to get the door open and looked out at Tara suspiciously. "You are entirely too alert and pleasant at this ungodly hour."

The blonde took in the smiling cloud pajamas, Willow's disheveled hair, and her grumpy expression and couldn't help the smile that spread widely. "Good morning to you too." Realizing an invitation was unlikely to happen any time soon, Tara stepped around the redhead and reached behind her to close the door. "So you were still sleeping?" she asked innocently.

The expression on Willow's face said 'are you kidding me?' even more than the section of hair sticking straight out from the side of her head. "I tend to do that when it's still dark."

"Okay we need to do something about your curtains because it's warping your perception." Before Willow could stop her, Tara made her way across the room and pulled the cord that separated the heavy fabric. The blanketed darkness was sliced by a thin ray of light that grew slowly until it cast a glow on Willow's face. Tara smiled at the sight, though Willow grimaced at the intrusion.

"How did you get up here, anyway?" She squinted to see Tara in the freshly brightened room.

"Elevator," she quipped, eyes twinkling. She watched Willow's cheeks quiver slightly, struggling to remain grumpy. "Steve let me come up. Apparently he likes me."

"Good thing someone does this morning." A smile broke through before she was finished and she stuck out her tongue.

Willow's edginess didn't seem to phase Tara, though she looked at the redhead curiously. "You're a little..." she debated how to describe the attitude she witnessed, "cranky this morning."

The expression on Tara's face, while she tried not be offensive, caused Willow to smile in spite of herself. "Sorry. I didn't sleep very well last night. Bad dreams."

Tara looked back sympathetically. "I'm sorry. Maybe I should come back another time."

"No!" Willow blurted out. Now that Tara was here, she wasn't about to let her leave. "I'm always glad to see you, but usually the seeing happens much later in the day."

Tara moved closer and smiled. "Yes, but today is special," she whispered conspiratorially.

"Oh? National wake your friend entirely too early day? Weird enthusiasts before 9AM day? I could go on..." The twinkle in her eyes showed that she was not nearly as annoyed as she pretended to be earlier.

"Better," the blonde grinned. "Today is the first annual Willow Day."

Her brow furrowed in puzzlement. "I'm not familiar with that one."

Tara shook her head with mock seriousness. "Oh it's a very important day." She reached up in an attempt to pat down Willow's bed head. Only half successful, she pulled back her hands and stuffed them in to her pockets. "It is a day of celebrating one Willow Rosenberg."

"You're a goof." Her eyes widened as she realized what Tara was doing. "Oh god! Tara, I'm a mess. You can't see my like this. Turn around." Before the blonde could say or do anything, Willow buried her face in Tara's shoulder to hide her embarrassment.

Tara was unable to resist breathing in Willow's clean scent. It was becoming a ridiculous habit she'd developed whenever they were close. However this was the first time Willow was in her arms right after waking up. Her belly rumbled at the thought of being snuggled in to this scent every morning. She blinked several times to jolt her back to the present. "You're adorable."

Willow noted that Tara's voice was a little deeper than usual but shrugged it off. "I'm not, but you're sweet for saying so." The sleepiness was still wearing off, which is what she blamed for the sudden desire to burrow further in to Tara's arms. Unable to remain completely unsatisfied, she slipped one arm around her waist and turned her head to look up at Tara. "So what is this 'Willow Day' all about?"

Since Willow showed no signs of moving, Tara slipped an arm around her shoulder and led her over to the couch. She was surprised when the smaller woman remained snuggled close to her, but wasn't going to complain. "Well...it is a day set aside to enjoy the goodness that is you. Mostly it's an excuse to spend the day with you, though you get to pick out what we do and..." Tara frowned, "It seemed far less lame when I came up with it..."

The redhead reached out to squeeze her knee. "No...I like it. No one's ever done something like that for me before. So I get to pick what we do?" Her grin widened as she began forming the list of possibilities in her head.

Tara sighed, feeling relieved that her plan was met with enthusiasm. "Yep. Although I figured we'd start with some breakfast...maybe muffins and mochas?"

The mention of m-words sent a jolt of energy through Willow and she shot up suddenly. "Coffee? Chocolate-y goodness coffee? Why are you just bringing up the coffee?" Tara's chuckles rocked her body. "Time's a'wastin'!" With that, Willow launched herself off the couch and disappeared in to the bathroom.

The blonde was only slightly surprised to find herself sitting alone in the room. She twisted around on the couch so she could rest her head along the back and view the closed bathroom door. Though her eyes remained open, a daydream snuck in to her line of vision undeterred. She imagined the day starting just a little differently. Instead of waking Willow from the other side of the door, she would do it with strategically placed kisses along a shoulder or jawline. They would leisurely make their way to the shower and wake up with steamier kisses and slick caresses.

She couldn't help rolling her eyes at her silly domestic fantasies. Why am I so set on Willow as my lover? We still share practically everything. Even if I never touch... Tara forced away the line of thoughts, rationalizing that being Willow's best friend, her confidant, was enough. Even if it meant never tasting that patch of skin below her right ear.

It was in that moment the bathroom door clicked open and Willow emerged, steam circling her. She was working a towel through her damp hair, at first missing that she had an audience. When she paused, she discovered Tara's eyes on her, soft and warm. There was a slight frown on the blonde's lips and Willow wondered idly what Tara was thinking in the seconds before she opened the door.

Tara studied Willow's flushed skin contrasting against the soft white terricloth of her robe. Though she saw more struggles down the road, she couldn't imagine this woman not in her life. So she silently vowed to push down the growing romantic feelings and focus on her friendlier feelings. As she was coming to terms with this, she found Willow's eyes on her, watching curiously. "Feel better?"

The redhead sensed there was more going on in that moment though she had no idea what. She felt anxiety rolling off of Tara, in contrast to her normally calm demeanor. As quickly as it came, it disappeared, making her wonder if it was an overactive imagination. She nodded and grinned. "Much better, thanks. I'll just be a few minutes."

"No rush." Tara smiled back and watched as Willow turned in to her bedroom. Deciding that staring love-struck in to the doorway would do nothing for either of them, she turned around and lightly traced the stitching on the couch.

Tara and Willow walked side by side down the near deserted sidewalk. Each was armed with a mocha as they observed people and store windows. Willow was in the middle of a story and her cup served as an extension of her arm whenever she gestured.

"So she asked you out right in the middle of the reading?" The amusement in Willow's voice allowed Tara to bypass any potential jealousy and enjoy the redhead's rather animated storytelling. So a woman asked you out?

"Oh yeah. It was the first time I realized writers could have groupies, though I would've much preferred anonymity."

"What did you do?" She took a sip from her drink and turned to face Willow.

"Well, as you can imagine, I am the picture of calm in situations like that." They shared a laugh before she continued. "I mumbled something about seeing someone and kept on going. Unfortunately, she was not to be deterred by something as silly as a relationship."

"Oh?" From time to time Tara's heart beat faster and she forced herself to take calming breaths to relax.

"Of course it wouldn't end there. That would've made my life easier and we just can't have that." She smirked and looked up to lock eyes with Tara. Until now, Willow had seen this and similar stories as part of an endless list of awkward moments in her life. Hearing Tara's musical laughter reminded her that these things were funny and she suddenly didn't mind sharing them. If it meant more of Tara's patented smiles she would share every ridiculous story she could remember.

"Don't keep me in suspense," she smirked.

"Well I was signing books at the end. Not that there was a big crowd, but of course she was in the line. She slips me a bag and looks at me eagerly so dumbly, I open it. There's a pair of underwear which I choose to believe she purchased on her way to the bookstore." There was a touch of horror in her eyes, laced with amusement.

"Oh. My. God." Tara burst out laughing. "That's horrible. What did you do?"

"Well I was completely freaked. It was before the big suspense circuit hit so I was afraid I'd be making my living doing this and I didn't think I was in a position to offend a fan...even a freaky one." She finished off her mocha and took Tara's empty cup before wandering off to a trash can.

"Please tell me you didn't keep them!" Her eyes followed Willow across the sidewalk and back.

"Gross!" She nudged Tara, clearly indignant.

The blonde looped her arm through Willow's to keep from falling. She smiled shyly when the redhead kept possession of it, allowing them to walk closer. "I'm just curious what lengths you go to for a fan..."

"Not. That." She sighed, thoroughly enjoying the feel of a casual morning spent arm in arm with her...best friend? It was strange to think of someone she'd just met edging out people she'd known over ten years, but Tara was doing just that. "I just sort of said 'oh' and put the bag on the floor. It didn't seem to bother her though. As the perfect ending to the worst signing ever, I saw her waiting outside afterwards."

"Oh god." Tara looked disgusted by this woman she would hopefully never know.

"That one ended up being the easiest. Oz came in toward the end for moral support. I was so excited to see him I practically jumped him." She chuckled at the memory, missing Tara's smile fade.

"He wasn't angry?" She hugged Willow's arm a little tighter.

Willow noticed Tara move closer, but figured it was her protective nature. "Why would he be angry?" She shrugged. "He wasn't exactly the jealous type when we were together. I'd just started dating Ben and if anything, he was amused by the entire situation. He managed to butch it up for me and we got out unscathed." Willow still sensed some tension coming off of Tara and squeezed her arm. Without thinking, she placed a light kiss of comfort on Tara's jacketed shoulder.

The action seemed to ease some of Tara's emotions and jump-start others. Straight. Straight, straight, straight. "Good thing he was there then." In reality, she was grateful for the musician's presence to ward off a potential stalker, especially knowing more of the redhead's history.

"Yeah." She no longer wanted to talk about crazed fans or exes. They walked several steps in silence before her cell phone rang. She looked apologetic when she glanced over to Tara. "Sorry." Caller ID flashed the detective's number, causing her to wince. "I have to take this."

"Don't worry about it." Though Willow made no effort to shield her call, Tara stepped away to give the woman privacy.

"Hello?" The street noise hummed around her and she pressed the phone tightly against her ear. She used her free hand to cover her other ear.

"Hi, Willow. It's Detective Ehlers." His voice was crisp through the line. "I got your message this morning."

Willow's nerves were running high. "Any luck?"

He sighed, hating to be the one discouraging her. "You have to know how much I hate saying this."

Unsure what he meant, Willow cut through the delay. "Please. Just tell me."

"It was good work, Willow. Really. Unfortunately it just isn't enough. We don't have the man power to follow a lead like this." Within the silence he could hear the disappointment. "I don't want you giving up. I'll add the information to your file and we'll see what happens."

She took a deep breath, unsure what to say. "I guess that's all we can do."

"I want you stay positive. We're going to get to the bottom of this. You know my number and I know yours. All right?"

There was a small sense of relief. For the first time she felt the support of the police and it allowed her to relax some. "Okay."

"Okay," he said, pleased. "You take care of yourself."

Willow heard the line disconnect, but kept the phone to her ear while she tried to clear her thoughts. She glanced over in Tara's direction and watched the blonde politely distracting herself. Accepting the circumstances for what they were, she walked closer and gently touched Tara's arm. "Hey."

Tara turned around and couldn't help noticing the change in Willow's demeanor. A smile still played on her lips, but her eyes were sorrowful. For the moment, she gave Willow space. "All done?"

Grateful for a reprieve, she nodded. "Yep. Off we go."

They continued down the sidewalk, but the jovial conversations they shared earlier in the morning didn't come as easily. Almost the entire block was traveled in silence. With each step, a wall stood higher between them until Tara could no longer stand it. Giving in, she reached out for Willow's arm and stopped their movements. "Are you okay?"

Willow was hesitant to elaborate on her phone conversation, fearing it would spoil their day. Realizing the threat was already very real, she sighed. "I went to the police station yesterday."

It was impossible to hold back her surprise and Tara blinked several times. "Oh?"

She nodded and began walking again. "Yeah. I'm not sure why exactly. I guess somewhere inside I hoped that I'd find some kind of closure."

"That didn't happen?" Their steps were short and deliberate, allowing Tara to keep her eyes focused on Willow as they moved.

"No. It was the same situation it was months ago. The detective was really nice about everything, but there just isn't enough evidence to figure this one out." The fear and disappointment she felt only minutes early was beginning to dissipate. She couldn't be sure whether it was the talking or the listener that put her at ease, but she was grateful to find some level of relief.

"And that was the detective on the phone just now?"

"Uh huh. After we talked yesterday I went home and read through old journals hoping to find something we missed. I found something I thought was important and got all excited, but it's turned out not to be very much. He basically called to say 'good work', but it didn't take us anywhere."

Tara paused and reached out to touch Willow's shoulder. "I'm really sorry."

Willow looked back at her friend and smiled. "It's okay. Funny thing...I feel a little better just talking about it."

"I'm glad. I'll always listen." Her eyes shown with the warmth and concern she felt for Willow.

If it was possible to be swept away by the look of someone's eyes, Willow was on the verge of letting go. The look of cerulean eyes showed fondness and protection, making her feel high and grounded all at once. "I know. Thank you. I...I've never been able to really....share this. With you, I guess it's kinda different. I don't know why, but somehow instead of bringing up all the bad feelings, you help me release them."

She was unsure what to say, so she managed a shy nod of the head.

Smiling at Tara's embarrassment, Willow began to feel more at ease. "I think maybe it's time I let things go."

"You think you can do that?" Her hand was still on Willow's arm and she slowly dropped it back to rest at her side.

Chuckling, "I have no idea. I do know I'm tired of having this thing loom over me. If it weren't for you, I'd still be tucked away in my apartment right now instead of enjoying this beautiful day. It's high time I step out and do something."

"You sound pretty sure of yourself. I...I'm flattered by what you said, but you're doing this. If you're pleased with how your life is going now, you only need to thank yourself." She started to walk again, but Willow grabbed her and pulled her back.

"Not so fast there. I know you're modest and I know you really don't think you're responsible, but you are. I haven't felt good in a very long time, but now I catch myself smiling for no particular reason. You're a big, big part of why, whether you believe it or not." She looked away, shy from her confession. Her eyes landed on a store sign up ahead, "Oooh...let's go in." Without waiting for an answer, she released Tara's arm and instead took her hand, dragging her along.

Tara managed to squeeze through the front door before Willow abandoned her. She took in her surroundings noting an entire wall of fish tanks with brightly colored inhabitants. The familiar pet store scent brought a smile to her lips. For a few minutes she browsed, noting the various sized cages for some of the smaller pets. You gotta love that in here people pay 9.99 for something they'd stomp on and call an exterminator if they found in their house.

No longer amused by the dwarf hamsters in their squeaky wheels, she navigated through cedar-scented aisles in search of her missing redhead. When she reached the back of the store, she caught Willow leaned over a glass enclosure tickling the belly of a small kitten. Tara took a step backwards so she could watch the exchange without getting caught. A goofy grin spread across her face as she watched the smaller woman 'coo' at the different kittens before scooping one up.

"You're just the cutest thing ever." Willow spoke in a childish voice while she held out the small kitten that was looking at her curiously. She was white with black spots and resembled a Dalmatian. The kitten reached out and tapped on Willow's nose. Behind her, she could hear Tara's laughter and soon felt her presence just behind her.

"I leave you alone for five minutes and you've already made a new friend?" She watched Willow turn the kitten on to her back and cuddle her.

"Aww, don't be jealous." Willow's eyes twinkled when she looked over at the blonde. "You're still my favorite." She winked before turning her attention back to the kitten, "But this little girl lets me tickle her belly and kiss her little nose...don't you?" She was so busy with the little animal that she missed Tara bite down on her bottom lip and sigh wistfully.

"Well I'd let you, but then I doubt we could shop here again."

Willow's head turned slowly and her eyebrow quirked in amusement. "Oh really?"

Tara's eyes widened with shock. "Oh god. I said that out loud." Mortified, she dropped her head, hiding her embarrassment behind a blonde veil. "I'm just going to go find the reptile area and offer myself to a boa constrictor."

Before she could escape, Willow caught her wrist and pulled her back. "Hey. No worries." When Tara still wouldn't look at her, she decided to use the kitten as leverage. Placing her gently on Tara's chest, she used a high-pitched voice for the cat. "Psst...blondie...scratch behind my ears and nobody gets hurt, right?"

A laugh was passed her lips before she could stop it. She brought her hands up to cradle the kitten. "You are a cute one, aren't you?" In turn, one furry paw reached up to grab at her chin.

Willow reached out and scratched its head with one finger. "You know...that's the best offer I've had in awhile."

It was Tara's turn to raise an eyebrow suspiciously and was met with a cheeky grin. Accepting Willow's efforts to diffuse the embarrassing situation, she rolled her eyes. "You really should get out more."

"Eh." She shrugged. "I consider it a highly advanced screening process. So...what's next on 'Willow's Day of Fun'?"

Tara replaced the kitten and followed Willow as they made their way out of the store. "Well, more window shopping is definitely in order, but the rest is up to you."

"Hmmm...so many options." She held the door for Tara and once they were back on the sidewalk reclaimed the arm she'd abandoned earlier. Sighing, "I love kittens. They're all cute and cuddly and make everything all fuzzy."

Tara gave her a lopsided grin. "Why don't you have a kitty then? It's the crazy work hours, right?"

"Thhppttt. Mock if you will." There was a bounce to her step and she was determined to make Tara catch it. "Unfortunately cute kittens become sneaky cats that grow sharp claws that destroy furniture."

"Just so I make sure I'm following along...that would be the grown-up furniture that you hate, right?" She'd caught on to Willow's attempts at adding a spring to her step and resisted for her own amusement.

Willow turned to face her and lowered her eyes in to a scowl. "Do you remember everything I say? Anyway...there's also the klepto kitty that steals car keys and hair ties."

"Mmm..." Tara nodded, amused by the redhead's excuses. "I'll give you the hair ties, but car keys?"

"Okay so kitty isn't scurrying around with keys in her mouth, but naughty kitty on the counter knocks keys in to the register vent which results in a lengthy and ultimately unsuccessful search and recovery effort. A droning lecture on the importance of being responsible ensues and the cost of a replacement set from the dealership comes out of your allowance for the next several weeks. And right about the time you're beginning to forget, spring cleaning comes and you discover said keys amongst a pile of fur and three twisty ties." Taking note of Tara's wide-eyed expression, she added, "I'm speaking hypothetically."

Tara looked back skeptically. "So no cat?"

"I know they are completely lame excuses...I don't know. Maybe I should have a cat." She hesitated, "But then I think that just totally seals the deal on crazy cat lady. At least right now, I give the allusion of being mysterious."

"Definitely." Tara chuckled and turned her attention back to the shop windows. "Ooh, look. Bookstore. Come dark, mysterious one. Let us get lost amongst the book stacks."

Willow couldn't hide the panic. "Bookstore? As in seller of books? What could we possibly want in there? Ooh look over there. Boutique."

Tara let go of Willow's arm and began walking backwards so she could take in this latest quirk. "Yes, Willow. Books. They're like movies, but the pictures are in your head. I seem to recall a certain person making quite a substantial living on writing books." When she saw Willow blanch, she knew she hit the nail on the head.

"Are you sure you don't wanna see the boutique?" She looked up hopefully.

"What do they even sell in a boutique?"

"Um...boutique-y things? I have no idea," she admitted.

"Will? It's a bookstore, not a yearbook. I don't think I'll discover any deep dark secrets from your past. You do read, don't you?" She was watching Willow curiously, confused by her nervousness.

Momentarily forgetting her hesitation. "Oh, I love reading. When I was teen I dreamt of having my own personal library of books and I could go in and read whatever I wanted and... we're going in aren't we?" Worry lines still etched her features.

Tara gave her a sympathetic smile and stopped outside the doorway. Cocking her head to the side she examined Willow. "Are you a serial killer?" The redhead shook her head. "Taught Paris Hilton all she knows?"

Giggling, "Tara!"

The blonde offered a half smile. Hesitantly, she reached out to cup Willow's face to make sure the redhead was paying attention. "Sweetie, I don't know what it is that you're afraid I'll discover. We've just scratched the biggies off the list, so please stop worrying. There is nothing I'm going to find in there that would change the way I feel about you. Okay?"

Willow nodded slowly and leaned slightly in to Tara's touch, her eyes closing briefly. "I'm sorry. I just...I don't know. I want you to like me."

Her laughter was light and held no judgment. "Willow, I do like you. So much. I like you for who you are, not what you write. Okay?"

She gave Tara a genuine smile and in a rare gesture pulled her in to a hug which the blonde happily returned. "Thank you. Thanks for going with my mood swings and throwing me a life preserver before I drown in my own panic."

Giving Willow an extra squeeze, "Anytime." She stepped aside, allowing her to enter first. Waiting until she was through the doorway, she asked, "So did you write erotic literature or something?" If she'd blinked she would've missed Willow's hesitant step and the slight tension in her back before she continued in to the store. Good goddess the woman is trying to kill me. Deciding to use the information at a later time, she pretended to miss Willow's reaction.

"So whatcha shopping for today?" Willow glanced over her shoulder.

"Nothing in particular. I usually browse the displays before I wander in to the shelves. Sometimes I even find some obscure book that I wasn't looking for but is exactly what I'm in the mood to read. How about you?"

"Pretty much the same. Although I have the added challenge of keeping my eye on a certain blonde." Her eyes twinkled, betraying the serious tone.

Linking their arms once again, Tara led them deeper in to the store. "Make you a deal. I won't go browsing for an original Willow if you pick one out for me."

Willow considered the offer and agreed. "That seems fair."

"Not that I won't still make a trip to the library one of these days..." she teased.

"I wouldn't expect anything less." She looked up at Tara and smiled. "So, what will it be m'lady? Poetry? New Age? Politics?"

"Hmm...I'm out of my Emily Dickinson phase...Maybe um...Supernatural or New Age? What do you think? In the mood for some vampy tales?"

Willow giggled. "Um...vampires are kinda icky. What else have you got?"

"Well still in the same general area you have witches, warlocks, werewolves..." She paused briefly, "I think Dr. Jekyll and Frankenstein probably fit in there somewhere."

"Okay monsters and werewolves are still with the ick. Witches I'll give you. Lead the way."

Tara rolled her eyes good-naturedly. "Interested in learning some spells, are ya?"

Willow waggled her eyebrows. "You never know."

They made their way back toward the books. Willow learned that Tara really liked these fantasy tales and took the opportunity to look over her shoulder on several occasions. The last time the redhead leaned in to read a back cover, Tara glanced her way. "You like?"

"Um...I don't know. It sounds interesting, but I don't know what's good and what isn't. What about you?" She watched Tara intently, paying close attention to how she explained things.

"Well some of the mainstream stories are pretty good. I tend to like the lesser known stuff. Those seem to be better researched." She slid the book back on to the shelf. "That one could go either way. If you'd like, I can lend you some of mine."

Willow grinned and nodded enthusiastically. "That would be great."

"Good." Tara nodded once. "Are you getting hungry?"

"A little. How about you?" She began rocking on her feet, tipping forward on the balls before relaxing back on the heels.

The blonde reached out and cupped both of Willow's shoulders, effectively stilling the motion. Smirking, "Before you take off." When she saw the smaller girl flush, she winked for good measure. "Let's find some place to eat. I'm starving."

"Sounds good." She followed Tara back through the store and they soon began a search for a restaurant nearby.