Return to The Sex Journals Part Nine



The Sex Journals
PART TEN

Author: Washi (ZWS)
Rating: NC-17 baby!
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, Joss does or whoever. If I owned them, do you really think I would let season 6 happen? And why the hell would I be writing this? So yeah, all belongs to Joss, ME etc...
Note: Thanks to the kittens that helped choose songs! Christine, Ittybitty, Kasey, Bluewitchwillow, EffieBlue, Aunt Clara and all the others. Also those who helped me with the speech (Lesbadar) and the others who helped me with the wedding details (Ruth, Drumbly and some others). You guys rock!


Well, today was Xander and Anya's big day. Well, the second one. After last year's wedding fiasco, we were all kinda nervous. Tara, Buffy, Dawn and I got dressed while Anya waited for us to help her with her dress. Giles was dressing up with Xander, and he wasn't about to let him out of his sight. We also talked Anya into letting the bridesmaids choose their own dresses, as long as they were the same ones. They opted on blush-colored long dresses. The dress's top was low-cut, displaying plenty of skin, and the skirt was flowing. These dresses weren't tight like the last ones we all had to wear for the wedding. But, I got away. I made Xander promise me to let me wear a Marlene Dietrich-y tux, and he did. It matched his in the style, mine being of course more feminine. Anya wore an off-white flowing dress with a long sheer veil. She was, well gorgeous. Xander didn't seem the slightest bit nervous this time, but that must've been because he didn't invite his family. This time, they dramatically cut down the guest list, and there was about 40 people at the wedding, us included. The time came and the ceremony went without a hitch. Xander read his vows in a strong sure voice, and Anya read hers smiling, as she once again talked about sex-poodles. Finally, they were declared Husband and Wife. I walked back with Tara holding my arm. I kept thinking to myself: 'The stupid laws are keeping me from getting married to Tara.'

At the reception, everyone was in a happier mood, I think we were relieved that nothing bad happened, like Anya deciding that she didn't want to try again or Xander running again. Dinner was great, and soon I had to start the speeches. I was nervous, 'cause hello, me doing a speech in public is like one of my big fears after frogs and poneys. I got up and motioned to everyone that I had something to say. Everyone quieted down and I cleared my throat and looked at my friends, no my family. And so I started.

"In honor of Xander and Anya, I propose a toast. Xander, last year, when you told me you and Anya were engaged, I was happy for you. I can see how happy she makes you, and just for that, Anya is special in my book. But last year, we also made mistakes, both you and I. The amazing thing is that we fought for our love. I'm proud of you Xander. Anya, at first, I thought that no one was good enough for Xander, but as I got to know you more, I understood the depth of your love for Xander. You're better than good enough for him, you two were made to love each other. And on this great day, you two finally got together and got married. So, as our two friends continue on the journey that they began two years ago, they know that when there are bumps in the road, their friends will be there for both of them, to help and support them and love them unconditionally. I love you both, and I want to thank you for sharing your love with us! To the Bride and Groom." I finished, my eyes watery as I raised my glass in a toast.

Everyone cheered and Xander and Anya looked at me, their eyes showing their love.

The rest of the toasts were traditional, so I'll skip them. And the dancing started. The DJ was great. Xander and I chose the songs mostly, leaving some liberties for the DJ. The first song to come on was "Truly Madly Deeply" by Savage Garden. Since we chose the songs for a reason, I'm gonna write the lyrics for them all as I write. Xander and Anya started dancing, and each Scooby and his date followed. I pulled Tara to the dance floor. We wrapped our arms around each other and started swaying lightly as the song came on.

I'll be your dream I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy
I'll be your hope I'll be your love
Be everything that you need
I'll love you more with every breath
Truly, madly, deeply do
I will be strong I will be faithful 'cause I'm counting on

A new beginning
A reason for living
A deeper meaning

I want to stand with you on a mountain
I want to bathe with you in the sea
I want to lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me

And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish to send it to heaven
Then make you want to cry
The tears of joy for all the pleasure in the certainty
That we're surrounded by the comfort and protection of
The highest powers
In lonely hours
The tears devour you
I want to stand with you on a mountain
I want to bathe with you in the sea
I want to lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me
Oh can you see it baby?
You don't have to close your eyes
'Cause its standing right here before you
All that you need will surely come

I'll be your dream I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy
I'll be you hope I'll be your love
Be everything that you need
I'll love you more with every breath
Truly, madly deeply do

I want to stand with you on a mountain
I want to bathe with you in the sea
I want to lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me

I kept my eyes locked on Tara's, as I leant over slightly and whispered in her ear.

"Me and Xander chose the songs. Hope you like them baby."

She smiled at me, and I felt my heart literally stop beating for a couple of second before it started pounding in my ribcage. I could practically see her soul in her eyes. We continued swaying gently as the music changed gently, and "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" by Aerosmith came on.

"This one's from me to you." I whispered in her ear and tightened my grip on her.

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing,
Watch you smile while you are sleeping,
While you are far away and dreaming,
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender,
I could stay lost in this moment forever,
Where a moment spent with you is a moment I treasure,

I don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep,
Cause I miss you baby, And I don't want to miss a thing,
Cause even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream will never do,
I still miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing

Lying close to you feeling your heart beating,
And I wondering what you are dreaming,
Wondering if it's me you are seeing,
Then I kiss your eyes and thank god we're together,
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever and forever forever

I don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep,
Cause I miss you baby, And I don't want to miss a thing,
Cause even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream will never do,
I still miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing

And I don't want to miss one smile,
I don't want to miss one kiss,
I just want to be with you right here with you,
Just like this, I just want to hold you close,
I feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment,
For all of the rest of time

Slowly we swayed, and I remembered every time I stayed up, studying Tara as she slept. How her face was completely relaxed in a beautiful smile. How she always snuggled to me, as if in sleep she wanted to convey her love. I also remembered that when I slept I dreamed of her, wonderful dreams, but it's true, they weren't enough. They just satisfied my craving for her for a while. The dance floor was now full of people as they gently swayed to the music. I was mesmerized by Tara's eyes and I barely heard that the song was changing again into "Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton.

It's late in the evening
She's wondering what clothes to wear
She puts on her make up
And brushes her long blonde hair
And then she asks me
Do I look alright
And I say yes, you look wonderful tonight

We go a party
And everyone turns to see
This beautiful lady
That's walking around with me
And then she asks me
Do you feel alright
And I say yes, I feel wonderful tonight

I feel wonderful
Because I see the love light in your eyes
And the wonder of it all
Is that you just don't realize
How much I love you

It's time to go home now
And I've got an aching head
So I give her the car keys
She helps me to bed
And then I tell her
As I turn out the light
I say my darling, you were wonderful tonight
Oh my darling, you were wonderful tonight

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Xander and Anya dancing, their eyes closed, enjoying the music. Xander opened his eyes and sighed as the music changed yet again to a more sensual beat as "Let's Make A Night To Remember" by Brian Adams came on. I grinned at him and he returned my grin.

I love the way ya look tonight
With your hair hangin' down on your shoulders
I love the way ya dance that slow sweet tango
The way ya wanna do everything but talk
And how ya stare at me with those undress-me eyes
And your breath on my body makes me warm inside

Let's make out - let's do something amazing
Let's do something that's all the way
Cuz I've never touched somebody like the way I touch your body
Now I never want to let your body go...

Let's make a night - to remember
From January - to December
Let's make love - to excite us
A memory - to ignite us
Let's make honey baby - soft and tender
Let's make sugar darlin' - sweet surrender
Let's make a night - to remember - all life long

I love the way ya move tonight
Beads of sweat drippin down your skin
Me lying here - you lyin' there
Our shadows on the wall and our hands everywhere

Let's make out - let's do something amazing
Let's do something that's all the way
Cuz I've never touched somebody like the way I touch your body
Now I never want to let your body go...

Let's make a night - to remember
From January - to December
Let's make love - to excite us
A memory - to ignite us
Let's make honey baby - soft and tender
Let's make sugar darlin' - sweet surrender
Let's make a night - to remember - all life long

I think about ya all the time
Can't you see you drive me outta my mind
Well I'm never holdin' back again
Ya I never want this night to end
Cuz I've never touched somebody like the way I touch your body
Now I never want to let your body go...

We lessened our hold on each other and we started swaying more sensually, while I ran my hands from her back to her sides, my eyes locked on hers. We didn't need any words. We understood each other perfectly. I started reminiscing of all those times we made love, sweet and slow, our hands caressing leisurely, running over silhouettes, stroking softly, as we both climbed slowly into our climaxes, as we became one. The next song was "Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman", still by Brian Adams. His voice was soft, loving, and it made shivers run down our spines. We quickened our pace. I put my hands on Tara's hips and my fingers started slowly massaging the flesh there.

To really love a woman
To understand her - you gotta know her deep inside
Hear every thought - see every dream
N' give her wings when she wants to fly
Then when you find yourself lyin' helpless in her arms
Ya know ya really love a woman

When you love a woman you tell her that she's really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one
Cuz she needs somebody to tell her that it's gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really - really really ever loved a woman?

To really love a woman
Let her hold you - til ya know how she needs to be touched
You've gotta breathe her - really taste her
Til you can feel her in your blood
N' when you can see your unborn children in her eyes
Ya know ya really love a woman

When you love a woman you tell her that she's really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one
Cuz she needs somebody to tell her that you'll always be together
So tell me have you ever really - really really ever loved a woman?

You got to give her some faith - hold her tight
A little tenderness - gotta treat her right
She will be there for you, takin' good care of you
Ya really gotta love your woman...

And when you find yourself lyin' helpless in her arms
Ya know ya really love a woman

When you love a woman you tell her that she's really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one
Cuz she needs somebody to tell her that it's gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really - really really ever loved a woman?

My mind started whirling with memories. With every verse of the song, new memories came tumbling into my mind. I thought about all our talks, of all the things we talked about, of all the times I laid in her arms, totally at peace. Of all the times I told her I wanted her, that I loved her, that's she's my everything, my always, and how she had replied, how she had reacted, her eyes lightening up. Of our love-making, the first times, when we were both so tentative, so shy. Of how I learned what pleased her, what drove her wild. I memorized her smell and her taste, and I could feel it in my veins every time I'm making love to her with my tongue as she moans my name in ecstasy. Of when we talked about children and I imagined right then a little girl with blonde hair and green eyes, and a quirky half-smile. I thought of all that and more as I ran my hands tenderly on her hips and her sides. I could bet my smile was blinding.

'She's my woman. She my everything, and she always will be.'

I could feel my libido wake up more and I felt desire pounding through my veins, strong and unfaltering. And all that was for only one woman, and one woman only forever. And I was holding that woman in my arms. I couldn't believe how lucky I was. I still can't. She ran her hands in the inside of my tuxedo jacket and looked at me with a knowing half-grin. I saw the desire reflected in her eyes, and I knew that the songs were having the same effect on her. Suddenly, the DJ stopped at the end of the song and said:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is a special request by the Bride and the Maid of Honor."

Tara blushed and looked over at Anya who looked at her and grinned before giving her a thumbs-up. As the first notes started, I recognized the song and Tara grinned sheepishly. It was "Sexual Healing" by Marvin Gaye.

Ooh, now let's get down tonight
Baby I'm hot just like an oven
I need some lovin'
And baby, I can't hold it much longer
It's getting stronger and stronger
And when I get that feeling
I want Sexual Healing
Sexual Healing, oh baby
Makes me feel so fine
Helps to relieve my mind
Sexual Healing baby, is good for me
Sexual Healing is something that's good for me
Whenever blue tear drops are falling
And my emotional stability is leaving me
There is something I can do
I can get on the telephone and call you up baby, and
Honey I know you'll be there to relieve me
The love you give to me will free me
If you don't know the things you're dealing
I can tell you, darling, that it's Sexual Healing
Get up, Get up, Get up, Get up, let's make love tonight
Wake up, Wake up, Wake up, Wake up, 'cos you do it right
Baby I got sick this morning
A sea was storming inside of me
Baby I think I'm capsizing
The waves are rising and rising
And when I get that feeling
I want Sexual Healing
Sexual Healing is good for me
Makes me feel so fine, it's such a rush
Helps to relieve the mind, and it's good for us
Sexual Healing, baby, is good for me
Sexual Healing is something that's good for me
And it's good for me and it's good to me
My baby ohhh
Come take control, just grab a hold
Of my body and mind soon we'll be making it
Honey, oh we're feeling fine
You're my medicine open up and let me in
Darling, you're so great
I can't wait for you to operate
I can't wait for you to operate
When I get this feeling, I need Sexual Healing

I saw Anya starting to rub herself slowly on Xander out of the corner of my eye. I tossed my head back and laughed. But the laughter stopped when I saw the hungry look in Tara's eyes. Her pupils were dilated, and she started mouthing the lyrics as she swayed sensually, her hips brushing mine in a slow tantalizing dance. My eyes were locked on her face as her lips moved, and her tongue peeked out when she said the letter L. I could feel a blush of arousal spreading on my body. I ached for her touch. Mid-way through the song, she leaned her head and licked my parted lips. Then, she lowered her head and started whispering in my ear as she nibbled on the lobe.

"Honey I know you'll be there to relieve me, The love you give to me will free me, If you don't know the things you're dealing, I can tell you, darling, that it's Sexual Healing." she sang for me, before adding in a low husky voice: "Think you can relieve me?"

I gulped and tried to talk in vain, I just nodded my head. The pulsing of my heart matched the one of my clit. I needed her, wanted her, right then and there, and nothing was about to stop me. She pulled back from my ear as I slowly caressed her frame, my hand more and more insistent. Her hands were unbuttoning the lower buttons of my shirt and she reached inside, slowly caressing my stomach. Slowly, she leaned over and pressed her lips delicately on mine. She brushed her lips on mine as her hands continued caressing my stomach. I was lost in sensations. My lips parted by their own accord and slowly, teasingly, her soft tongue entered my mouth, sensuously caressing mine. I tried to deepen the kiss, but she pulled away as the song was ending. I could feel that my panties were drenched. I wanted her so bad. I looked deeply in her eyes, and I saw lust, uncontrollable and unwavering. I took her hand and dragged her from the dance floor.

"Hey you two! Where are you going? You still need to make the toast and to be here for the bouquet and the garter!" Buffy said to us as we passed by her.

"Buffy! We have something really important to do!" Tara stopped and told her.

"Yeah, it's overpowering! We'll be back! See ya!" I told her before pulling Tara with me.

I looked behind me and saw that Buffy was looking at me, her mouth open as she tried to find a comeback. I didn't wait to see if she found one.

The reception was being held in the ballroom of the new Country Club, the wedding had been in the special room made for wedding ceremonies and such. I pulled Tara downstairs to the small rooms used by us earlier to get dressed.

I closed the door and I was just turning around to face Tara when her lips fastened on mine. I wrapped my arms around her, my hands on the soft fabric of her dress. I found the zipper of her dress and slowly pulled it down. I didn't want to ruin the dress. My hands found the soft skin of her back, and I started to slowly slide the dress down while Tara's hands were busy taking off my jacket. I pulled my arms back and felt the loss of weight as the jacket fell to my feet. We didn't stop kissing, her tongue playing in my mouth. I spread the flaps of the dress apart and broke the kiss to undress her. I pulled the dress down and she stepped out of it and her shoes before I took the dress and laid it down on a chair along with my jacket. While I removed the dress, I was so rushed that I didn't look at her. But then I did. I SO did. Her luscious breasts were encompassed in a crème colored satin bra that was highlighted by the blush that was spread all over her body. My eyes trailed south, drinking in her matching low cut panties, her lace garter belt and her silk stockings. I walked over to her and I pulled her in my arms, murmuring softly before my lips met hers.

"I love you baby, you're my world." Before she had the time to reply, my lips were on hers, brushing, teasing. She parted her lips, wanting more as our kiss grew more demanding. I slid my tongue in her mouth and met hers. I licked the inside of her bottom lip, touching her teeth, exploring slowly. She probed my tongue with hers, urging me on. Her hands opened the rest of my shirt's button and she was now playing with my bra-covered breasts, kneading them softly, teasing the nipples with her fingers. I shrugged off the shirt. As the kiss became even more passionate, I slid my hands down the curves of her body, cupping her tight buttocks and squeezing them, pulling her closer. Her hands were on my pants now, and she unzipped them, brushing her knuckles on my mound in the process. My tongue was being sucked by Tara, and the extra contact just made me want her more. I could practically taste her through the air that was now filled with the smell of our arousals. I kicked off my shoes and pants, and I broke the kiss. I needed her, I wanted her, she's my fountain of life, and I was thirsty, no, dehydrated. I trailed kisses over her jaw before dipping in the creamy flesh of her neck. I licked my way to her left pulse point, and she threw her head back to give me better access. I kissed the point before parting my lips and sneaking my tongue to lick the delicate spot. Tara's hands were in my hair, pulling me closer, pulling the pins out of my hair, while massaging my scalp with her fingers. She was moaning softly as I kept licking the spot, before I took the flesh in my mouth and sucked at it heartily. She moaned deeper and pulled me up for a kiss. Our tongues clashed furiously as desire overrode sensuality. She pulled away and looked at me deeply in the eyes.

"I have to have you now! No more teasing."

"Together." I told her.

She nodded. We took off each other's panties and we started kissing again. Our hands, unbidden moved to each other's centers and she turned, pinning me to the door. She teased my clit for a second with her thumb before she slipped two fingers deep inside me. I gasped at the feeling of being filled and moved my left hand to brace myself on her shoulder. My right hand snaked down and I centered my attentions on her ripe, wet and smooth nub. She pulled out of me almost completely and dived back in. My moan mingled with hers. She lowered her head and bit my neck before sucking at my pulse point while our hands were bringing each other closer to bliss.

'I love Take-Charge Tara!' I kept telling myself.

I slowly pushed two fingers into her and she bucked her hips, taking my digits completely into her sweet abyss. The door behind me started rattling with the force of our thrusts.

"Oh God! Oh Tara! Right there! Oh God!" I kept moaning.

"Yes Willow! Yes! Oh Yes!" she kept repeating in my ear, her voice a deep moan.

We both had our thumbs on each other's pearl, rubbing furiously as our fingers kept pumping deeper and faster into each other. We were both on the brink of the precipice we longed to fall in. We started kissing, urgently, sucking on each other's tongues respectively. We pumped harder, rubbed faster, and each movement dragged us even closer until with one final thrust we both felt our muscles clench and each other's inner muscles squeeze our fingers. Our orgasms rocked us, wave after wave of pleasure slamming into us, and in us. When our eyes started focusing better, an undeniable urge spread through me and I slowly pulled out of her molten center. She did the same, and I knew that we were thinking of the same thing. I brought my fingers to my mouth, my nostrils twitching at the over-empowering smell of her. One sentence from the songs slammed into my mind over and over while I pulled each finger into my mouth, tasting her, her essence, her being, her sweet ambrosia.

'You've gotta breathe her - really taste her, Til you can feel her in your blood...'

My eyes were locked on hers and I knew, I was certain that she was thinking about the same thing as she mirrored my move. We kissed, our essences mingling on our tongues. I led her to the couch and made her sit on my lap while we regained our composure somewhat. I kept stroking her golden hair while she messed my hair even more. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, and Giles called out.

"Willow, are you in there?" he said before the door started opening.

Thank god the couch wasn't facing the door. It was facing the other side, so we weren't in his view. We ducked in it and I yelled out at Giles to get out. He must've seen our clothes on the floor and on the chair because he started apologizing over and over, he even stuttered.

"Oh dear Lord, I'm... I'm so sorry Willow. Really, I'm so s-sorry Willow. I'll go now, I'm sorry Tara. Oh Dear Lord!" he said before running outside.

I looked at Tara and we giggled.

"I guess Mister Giles isn't used to waking in on people."

"Yeah, I think they need us for the rest." I replied, getting up and getting dressed. My hair was a mess, but who was I kidding, there was no way I could put it back up in a few minutes. So, we went out and walked back to the ballroom. Suddenly Tara stopped me and whispered, her eyes wide.

"Willow! If I by chance happen to get the bouquet, you have to get the garter! I want no one else touching me down there and well, we just made love and... you know?" she asked, biting her lower lip.

"Baby, if you get the bouquet, I'll do anything to get the garter, but if it's too far away, you have to help me! I don't want any guy's hands on my girl."

She nodded and walked inside the ballroom. Xander saw us and whispered something to Anya. She nodded and they moved to cut the cake.

"Anya and I would like to thank everyone who came, especially our friends, our family really, who supported us in our decisions. To all those who were at both weddings, I hope this one made up for the other." Xander said.

"Also, we would like to thank those of you who brought us presents. Thank you very much." Anya cut in and the Scooby gang laughed heartily.

Xander and Anya cut the first piece, and they fed small bites to each other. Both of them were beaming, and so obviously in love. I looked over at Tara and found her smiling at them, her eyes sparkling. I squeezed her hand and she looked at me.

"I love you." I mouthed.

"I love you too." she replied silently.

The caterers cut the cake and handed it out. After the cake was eaten, Anya got on the small podium and said that it was time for the bouquet.

"It is tradition for me to throw the bouquet. It is said that the single woman who gets it will be the next one to get married. Come on single women, fight for it."

All the unmarried women went to the dance floor, and as Tara went, I winked at her. Anya turned around and tossed the bouquet behind her. I could swear that I could see the whole scene in slow motion. Dawn and Buffy were pushing each other to get the bouquet, while Cordelia and Fred (who both came with Angel) wrestled to the ground to get it. Let's not even talk about the other women. It was like a catfight. The bouquet fell and the horde of single women suddenly opened to reveal Tara sheepishly holding the bouquet. Anya turned around and smiled.

"I guess if this tradition is true that Tara will be the next bride."

All gazes fell on us as Tara walked over to me. She gave me a light peck on the lips and reminded me to catch the garter. I smiled at her and winked.

Xander took a chair and made Anya lift her leg and the gown she was wearing and he took off her garter with his teeth. Anya smiled sensuously at him. I left Tara and walked with the men to catch it. Beside me stood Gunn (also a friend of Angel), Wesley and Giles.

"If any of you catch that garter, you're dead."

They all looked at me and shrugged, except Giles who fell over himself trying to tell me that he wouldn't catch it. I guess he was still embarrassed about earlier. Xander tossed the garter, and some men who didn't know Tara and I were together tried to snatch it up in the air. I wrestled myself in the horde of hot-for-Tara men and dived, catching the garter as it fell. Tara beamed while Dawn, Buffy and Anya whooped. I got up and grinned, holding the garter and swinging it on one of my fingers. I went over to Tara and got down on one knee, before I hiked up her dress a little, jus enough for me to slide my hands up her thigh and put the garter in place. I got up and we kissed slowly, sensuously and our family cheered us on. People went up to the bride and groom and started congratulating them. A while later, the wedding party finally broke up, Xander and Anya left for their honeymoon. Xander said he'd call, but Anya told him he'd be too busy to call. I guess Anya will never change. She really is lovable in her own way. Giles left for his hotel as well as Angel and his gang. A while after that, Buffy, Dawn Tara and I left, our cars filled with the wedding gifts.

We just carried everything inside, and now, I'm in my room, waiting for Tara to get in here.

One day my love.

Loving you,

Your Willow.

Buffy finished reading, her eyes moist.

<Tara and Willow love each other so much, but noo! The stupid laws don't let them get married in the real sense. God, that's so stupid. And wow, it really is a lesbian handbook. It's like a lesbian Kama-Suma. They should really publish it. And, hey, I thought that Tara was the artistic one while Willow was more the scientist, but, can Willow write well! It's almost like reading one of those Harlequin Love Stories! God, I'm so tired, I'm starting to babble in my head!> Buffy thought before putting the journal on her night table and flicking off the light.


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