Author: Rosemary
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimers: Not mine. They're Joss Whedon's.
Feedback: Okay. a.nunn@att.net This is my first story ever. I would be happy to get any tips or let me know how I can improve or just say 'Stop writing. There's no hope for you'.

"So, I guess the first thing we need to do here is talk about what happened with your father," Willow said. "Was he involved in any of this?"

"No, no my father was a good man. He was killed because of what he knew about Donny and his organization. He had been investigating them for a while privately. He knew he had to have all his ducks in a row before he could go to anyone and tell them about what Donny was doing. The night my father was killed Donny had come to the house to ask my dad about why he was asking around about a shooting where Donny had been the responding officer. Apparently Donny had responded to a call for backup on a standard traffic stop that ended up being a major drug bust. The first officer had called and said that there was heroin or cocaine or something and a lot of cash. When Donny got there he called in and said that the two suspects and the officer were all dead. The two suspects were handcuffed and lying on the curb. They figured that the officer was still searching the car, which is why they would be sitting on the curb. And the officer dead in the suspect vehicle. All the money and drugs where gone. It was assumed it was a third party who had happened along the bust. The officer had been shot with his own weapon. The weapon was gone too.

"They investigated and Donny was cleared. A couple of months later, my dad found a bunch of money and a couple of baggies of cocaine in the barn underneath the seat of the tractor. He never said anything to anyone about it. My dad loved Donny. I mean, when he joined the rangers, you couldn't get the smile off his face for months. He was suspicious about it though. I think my dad started asking around about this, moreso because he was determined to find out that Donny was innocent of this then to bust him. That's when he started to find evidence of other things. Bigger things. Things that involved people in high places. Many of them in law enforcement.

"This was right around the time that I was realizing I was gay. It wasn't any secret that my father disapproved. We hadn't spoken in months. One night I was out drinking with some friends and I stated doing that 'I want to fix every problem in my life right this minute' thing people do when they're drunk. So I went over there. I heard them yelling in the barn, so I walked over there and went inside and that's when I saw it. Donny..." Tara stopped then, needing a minute to let the memory pass so as to continue. Then she looked up and said, "Donny shot my father."

They stopped talking for a minute. Willow took hold of Tara's hands and said, "Do you need to stop Tara? Take a break?"

"No, if I don't do this now, I may never finish. So, I screamed and Donny turned around and saw me. I started to run and he caught up with me, and dragged me back in the barn and pointed his gun to my head and walked me over to where my dad was. Then he bent down and took my dad's gun and put that gun to my head and handed me his and told me to fire a shot into the haystacks. I said no at first, and he said, 'I just shot our father, do you think that I won't shoot you or Abby?' So I did."

"So now there's your prints on the gun and gunpowder residue," Willow said shaking her head. "Son of a bitch. So I'm assuming he's wearing gloves?"

"Oh yeah. Then he took me out to the house and made a phone call. He tied me up and gagged me and left for a minute. About, maybe ten minutes he came back in with another guy and I heard Donny tell him to take me somewhere no one could find me until they could figure out what to do. So this man starts to walk me out to the car and I heard another shot and Donny screamed. So it was about three days later that Donny came to where I was hidden and showed me a document that Abby had been made ward of the state. He also said that they were involved with some people who could be in some serious trouble if there were to be an investigation into my father's death. He told me that my father had managed to compile some very damning evidence against some people in very high places. Then he said, you're going to confess to this or Abby will die. There are people here involved that would kill her this minute if I told them what happened. That there were people in this so deep that his arrest warren wouldn't even finish printing before someone would get to her. If you don't believe me than think about this he said: Why are you still alive?"

"So that's why they don't just kill you. If you die it could launch an investigation that could possibly expose them. They need you to take the fall for this, not to protect Donny but to protect themselves. So that's that. Confession, body, witness, motive, end investigation. They're murdering you legally," Willow answered.

"So he told them I shot them and ran. Then he made me turn myself in. At my trial, the attorney I had was one of them. The judge too," Tara said.

"So that's why they went trial by judge instead of jury. This is just unreal. So when he brings you the pictures, it's to prove to you that she's still alive?"

"They have someone inside CPS. They drew up some phony papers saying the Abby has been adopted. She hasn't. Someone, one of them has her. If I even try to go through them to help find her, it wouldn't help. Nobody knows where she is. They'll be alerted that I've told someone and they'll kill her."

Tara was crying now, partly from the thought of her daughter being killed and partly out of relief at having been able to tell someone.

"I'm so sorry, Tara. So, so sorry," said Willow. She held Tara, rocking her,comforting her.

After a few minutes she whispered in Tara's ear, "Tell me about her, Tara. Tell me about Abby."

"You want to know about Abby?" Tara said.

"I want to know everything about you Tara. I want you to tell me," Willow whispered.

Tara raised her head and looked at Willow. Then she leaned in and pressed her lips to Willow's.

"She's still down there. She come in with the warden wearin' some computer badge."

...

"Na, it ain't no tech. I know all them techs that come up here an' she ain't one of um."

...

"I don't know her name but I damn sure know her license plate number. She done left her car up out here and drove up in the warden's car."

...

"Hell yeah. I know it's the same gal that come up here yesterday. Red head, fine lookin' gal. I'm gonna bet ya you run them plates, you gonna find out the same. She ain't no tech."

...

"Yep, well it don't matter none, cause even if she did come up here to see her, didn't happen' no how. Sis' done got herself throwd in the hole again. I got a guy workin' the doors done told me."

...

"Naw I'm sure. If she'd a gottin' in there it be on the camera. There ain't nothin goin' on in there."

...

"Ya I got cha, I'll take care of it before she gets up in there again."

...

"Yep, you just get me that address an' I'll get on down there and do her for ya."

...

"Yep alright then. I gotta get back to my post before someone sees I'm gone missin'."

...

"Yep, we'll be talkin then, alright Donny."

...

The guard then hung up his cell phone and walked back up to his tower.

Tara brought her hand up to caress the side of Willow's face. Then she slowly slid it to the back of her head and pulled Willow's mouth to her harder. She teased Willow's mouth open with her tongue and shuddered at the sensation of her tongue against Willow's. She came alive with desire from the mere touch of Willow's tongue inside her mouth. She brought her other hand around to the small of Willow's back and then, with her body, she eased Willow down on her back. She allowed her body to lie fully on top of Willow, and pressed her mouth against hers harder, and her tongue slid down her mouth deeper, and with every stroke she increased the urgency of the kiss.

She pressed herself down on Willow's body, rolling her hips against Willow's, seeking out their rhythm. Willow's hands clawed at Tara's back as she tried to pull her down against her more firmly. She open her legs, wrapping one of them up over her leg as she began to thrust upwards against Tara's hip bone. Willow reached her hands up to the hem of Taras shirt and pulled it up her body, as Tara broke the kiss to remove it completely.

Then Tara sat up, pulling Willow up with her and removing her shirt. Her eyes fell upon Willow's breasts and it caused her to become momentarily immobile. When the memory of how to move returned to her, she paused, looked into Willow's eyes and slowly, ever so slowly, guided Willow back into the position she needed her in to begin the deconstruction of the wall of isolation and loneliness that those who wanted to destroy her had forced her to build. She was mesmerized, caught completely off-guard by the feelings that were taking her over.

Had she ever known this? Had she ever felt the touch of another who wanted not to hurt, but heal? If she had she couldn't remember. It didn't matter. Even if it had been there it would have been forced away by the enormity of the feelings that were taking over her body and soul. She was going to do this. She was going to do this to Willow, with Willow, and the thought of it alone sparked the beginning of the climax that she knew they would achieve.

This was the hard part. In order to continue she needed to take her eyes off of the face of the woman who lay beneath her. Willow's breathing was slow and short and Tara's hands shook uncontrolably. Not yet, she couldn't tear her eyes away from Willow's face. Seeing what was happening to Willow because of her actions had Tara so aroused that she thought it might end for her right then. She felt herself begining to twitch and she had to stop her hip movements, which was no easy task, to keep her orgasm at bay. Slowly she slid a hand up Willow's side and to her breast.

She allowed her fingertips to slowly learn this part of Willow's body as she ran them up in feather light touches from bottom to tip then down again, and again. On the next pass she allowed the touch to increase in pressure and the slight caress became a gentle squeeze.

The sound that emerged from Willow's throat, the reaction to the touch, Willow's mouth fallen open, her head thrown back, was too much for Tara and her eyes fell shut and a sound escaped her own mouth that she was sure she had never made before. The pressure increased on the breast that she held and she knew that she had to see it. She wanted to watch her hand as it pleasured and molded Willow's flesh. The choice became maddening.

She desperately wanted to look at Willow's face, yet the sight of her hand as it loved Willow's breast captivated her. The decision impossible, she chose option C. She began to move her body slowly downward. When her mouth reached Willow's breast she let her tongue's tip tease an erect nipple with a touch so light it was barley a touch.

There were sounds coming from Willow's mouth. Tara thought that perhaphs some of them could be words. Possibly a question. They came out in high pitched notes. Their meanings unclear. Was it Willow that was unable to speak or was it Tara unable to hear?

She didn't know, didn't care. She was alive and the teasing had to end. She wrapped her lips around the pleasure point of Willow's breast and lightly drew it into her mouth. Willow's hands where unable to stay still and they reached for Tara's breasts and began to knead them. Harder and faster became their rhythm, and soon hands were freeing centers from clothing. Tara pressed a thigh up and into Willow's center and Willow's thigh bent up into Tara's. They took their time with this stage of the lovemaking. They wanting to draw it out as long as possible. Tara's breathing was beginning to grow uneven as she pushed herself harder into Willow's thigh.

The pace was increasing now, and both women moved their hands down to moist centers where they found the essence of their foreplay, and delighted in its texture, temperature and scent. She was ready now.

Ready to give all of it to Willow and take it from her in return. Tara's hand moved slowly downward she prepared to enter Willow.

Willow's hand stopped Tara's before her fingers could reach their destination.

"Tara, look at me," Willow said her words coming out in pants. "Promise me you'll never leave me. I need to hear you say it, promise me."

Tara was frantic now, her desire to take and be taken so strong that she would have promised anything in the world to feel herself be taken to orgasm. But not to Willow. She could not say the words to her, knowing it wasn't true.

Panic arose in Willow when Tara didn't answer her.

She was afraid now. Terrified. Trying desperately to hold back the need to repeat the question, because she knew what the answer would be. She closed her eyes tightly holding back her tears for just a second more as the question yet again left her lips, "Tara," she said, the word coming out in a sob.

"Tell me you'll never leave me," she repeated. "Oh, please, say it Tara," Willow cried to her.

Tara opened her mouth, her voice shaking, and said only two words, "Im sorry."

TARA'S HEAD

Tara felt her heart breaking. Willow wanted those words so badly but Tara knew. She knew that Donny would never let that be. She knew that in four weeks she would be retried, her appeal would fail, and she would be executed. She would try to explain this to Willow if Willow would listen. She's so confident that she can help me.

WILLOW'S HEAD

She was wrong. She was being selfish and she knew. To ask Tara to say that, to try and make her feel something that wasn't there. She was trying to force this on Tara and she knew. She had fallen in love with Tara, Tara had not fallen in love with her. She never even hinted at it. She was running through the conversations and realized that Tara had never said a word to her that would have suggested it. She had to protect her daughter first and foremost. That was a fact and she knew that. What Tara had suggested on the phone was that they might fuck. That was what it was to her. But it wasn't what it was for Willow. She had convinced herself that she had felt these feeling from Tara not just for Tara and now she had created a disaster. But she had talked to her, opened up to her, told her about what was happening? Why would she do that if... because I told her I could help her. There it was. The truth of it all. She was here to help her, here to try and save her life, her daughter's life, and she had totally misread it all. How ridiculous an assumption. How childish and immature to believe in love at first sight. But the passion, that was undeniable and it was reciprocated. She felt that from her. Or did she? Maybe it was just lust. Here was a woman that was in a situation that was almost beyond repair. How could she not crave some release from it all? It didn't matter. Willow was still committed to this. She would still help to save her whether Tara loved her or not. She still loved Tara. She would do anything for her. Anything at all. Even if it was just fucking. If Tara wanted fucking then fucking Tara would get.

"Hey Tara, it's okay. I'm the one that's sorry, not you. I want to finish this. I want to... fuck you," Willow said. The words stuck in her throat, but she managed them out

"You want to what?" Tara said.

"You know, like you said on the phone.Those thing you said," Willow answered.

TARAS HEAD

Oh God, Tara thought. This is what this is about. She's playing a game with me. She is just here to play a game. God Tara you are so stupid. So so stupid. She thinks you're a slut. And why shouldn't she? You did after all say those things to her. Oh God I'm just unbeleivable. Okay so what then? I don't know now what to do. I don't even know how to do any of those things I said on the phone... and I don't have any produce...

Just then she heard keys jingling and Willow knew what it was. Faith was checking on them.

"Oh shit, Tara blow out that candle. We're not dressed," Willow said.

"Hey there, ya'll okay?" Faith yelled.

"Oh yeah, yeah Faith, we're good. Thanks. I'll be done here in a minute," Willow answered.

'A minute,' Tara thought. 'She thinks we can finish this in just a minute?'

"Okay then," Faith answered.

"Well, um, that was close. Buffy never brought it up, but I'm pretty sure we weren't supposed to, um, do this," Willow said. She was glad though. She knew that she couldn't have gone through with this. Not with her. Not with Tara.

"You want me to relight the candle?" Willow asked, adding 'please say no please say no' in her head.

"No, no that's alright. I think I kind of like this. I'm getting kind of a headache," Tara answered. The truth of it was she didn't want Willow to see her face. She couldn't let her see her crying again.

"Well, I'm going to get dressed, then," Willow said, as she wiped the tears from her face.

Soon after that Willow said that she had some ideas about how to go about trying to find a way to find her daughter. That hurt her to say because she so much had wanted to hear about her and instead they did... whatever it was they did. Maybe if they had just talked about her she could still believe that Tara could somehow be loving her back. 'It's better this way anyway. I need to focus on this case and not on all the other stuff. Yes,' she said to herself, 'this is better,' as a new batch of fresh tears began to roll down her face.

"So, how did it go?" Buffy asked.

"Oh it was good, she, um, is going to let me try and help her. It's going to be hard, and um..."

Willow felt it starting again.

"Can I call you about this tomorrow?" she asked. "I need to get going. I've got Anya's car, cause mine is in the shop, and she has an early day tomorrow."

"Okay," Buffy said, knowing full well that something was wrong. This was not the woman who went in that cell four hours ago. Not even close.

"Oh and Willow?"

"Yeah?"

"Your shirt's on inside out." Buffy kept walking and Willow just stood, wide eyed, staring.