Author: ophelia11
Rating: PG-13 for pottymouths and innuendo. Strong chance for naughtiness later on.
Disclaimer: The story is mine. The characters are not. :(
Feedback: Pretty please? Please leave feedback on the Impulse thread on the Kitten Board.

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel - Snow Patrol, Chasing Cars

Since their lunch with Dawn the previous week, Willow spoke endlessly about revamping her apartment. Now they were together at Willow's going through furniture catalogs and paint swatches. Tara was sprawled out the length of the couch on her belly, while Willow sat on the floor. She was leaned back against the arm near Tara's head.

"I think I might cut my hair." Tara's voice broke an extended period of silence.

"What?!" Willow realized her response was exaggerated as she jerked her head up. In the quiet, she somehow forgot her close proximity to Tara. Now though, their faces were inches apart and she found herself studying the lines and curves. For the last week and a half she babbled incessantly about colors and chairs, though unbeknownst to Tara it was done with purpose. Since their lunch, she began to see Tara differently. Without something to distract her, she would be in a quiet space with the blonde. Under those circumstances, Willow couldn't be sure what she might do.

"Or not." It wasn't that Tara didn't noticed Willow's odd behavior. She just couldn't quite figure out the cause. Her lips curved and she tilted her head, awaiting Willow's response.

"Sorry. It's just...well your hair is really long...and pretty and if you got it cut then it wouldn't be...long...but still pretty. It is your hair. If you really want to cut it, you should." What the hell is wrong with me? Suddenly I'm telling people if they can cut their hair? But ooh...it's Tara-hair. It looks so silky and soft. I bet it's soft. Stop it.

"I never realized you felt so passionately about my hair." Shaking her head, "I don't know. I think maybe I just need a change and that seemed like something simple I could control. I don't really want to cut it." She was quiet for a minute then nodded toward the catalog in Willow's hands. "Find anything good in there?"

Willow's brow furrowed while she listened to Tara. Normally she was not one to pry, but Tara did leave the door slightly open for comments. "Is it okay if I ask why you need a change?"

"Because I'm silly?" Willow's face remained impassive and Tara realized humor was not going to allow her to sneak out of this particular conversation. Sighing, "I don't know what's wrong with me. Sometimes I think about how things are and it just bugs me."

Willow nodded, having sat in a similar position a few times in her life as well. She turned her body so she could watch Tara more easily. "What's bugging you?"

"Nothing. Everything. Like here I am almost 30 and I'm still working in a coffee shop. I live in a shoebox sized apartment, I don't have a girlfriend, I don't have a plan, and I wonder if I'll be doing this exact same thing when I'm 50." She allowed her elbows to give way and her face fell flat in to the cushions.

It was a lot to digest and Willow took her time replaying everything. Deciding to dive in, she spoke. "Do you want a girlfriend?" They never really discussed relationships at length and Willow now found that unusual. Tara was beautiful and wonderful and if she wanted a girlfriend, then she deserved the best. At the same time, the thought made her sad, though she couldn't explain why.

Tara rolled her head on to the right side so she could face Willow. Yes. You. I'm hopeless. "Not exactly. I mean it's not like I want to be in a relationship just for the hell of it. It's just...I look around and I have friends with babies. Like tiny living people and I don't even have a dog."

"Well that's good. I mean that you don't want to be in a bad relationship. Although most people probably don't set out wanting that. I've known people that are so uncomfortable being alone that they'd rather have bad company than no company. I guess that just leaves the dog."

"I always wanted a dog. My dad used to say it was just another mouth to feed so he never let me have one. I used to lay awake and think about being a grown-up. I'd do what I wanted and wear what I wanted and of course...I would have a dog." She couldn't help chuckling as she thought of her younger self and the magical dog that signified growing up.

"So you don't ‘not want' a girlfriend but you do want a dog?" Willow thought she was following along, but wanted confirmation.

"Um...sorta?" Noticing Willow's confused look, Tara tried to clarify. "I wouldn't want any girl. It has to be the right girl. The dog I really would like, but that leads to other problems. My apartment is too small. A bigger one requires a job that pays more. Better job means I wouldn't be at home as much which means girlfriend...or roommate...or even dog walker...but doggy would need someone else to look after her."

"Hence the haircut?" Willow concluded.

How does she always follow my line of thought? Although hers is crooked too. Nodding her agreement, "Hence the haircut."

"Tara?" Willow said her name hesitantly, as if she weren't sure her thoughts should be given voice. "Are you tired of the coffee shop?"

She sighed, "I'm not sure what I am. Sometimes I think I should want more...or that I should do more. I don't hate serving coffee, but I can't imagine doing it forever."

Willow nodded. "What do you want to do?"

Tara sat upright using her elbow and held her head up. She shook it slightly and rolled her eyes in good humor. "I don't know. I wonder if there isn't something more out there for me? If I should be doing something different? It's not like I'm ever going to be a doctor, but I wonder if I'll ever figure out where I'm going."

Willow was quiet for a moment as she considered what to say. "You know, I can't help thinking life would be pretty boring if we all figured out early on what we were supposed to do or who we were supposed to be."

The blonde smiled slightly and nodded, "Says the woman that's been writing since high school." Pausing, "I get it though. It's just hard sometimes."

Emerald eyes shimmered back at Tara. "Are you happy?"

Tara gazed at her curiously. "What?" It was an abrupt subject change and she had trouble figuring out where Willow was going with the question.

"Aside from not having the dog of your childhood dreams, are you happy?" Tara was still looking at her skeptically. "I know it's kinda left-field, but play along?"

"Well relatively speaking, yes." She shrugged. "Why does that matter?"

"Not that I'm an expert on living or anything, but I've done the life inventory myself. One thing I did figure out is if you use society's happiness scale to measure yourself, you probably won't be content with your life."

"How so?" She rolled on to her side and continued to watch Willow.

"Well take my life, for instance. My job is writing, which is something I've always loved. I live in a big apartment, have nice things, and make more than enough money. My relationship past is a little rocky, but not yet worthy of a Lifetime movie. Given all that, society would declare me happy ‘cause that's what we all believe makes it so."

"So you aren't happy?" Given some of Willow's problems in recent times, Tara couldn't blame her if she wasn't. It bothered her to think it though.

"I wasn't. I mean all of that stuff? They're just things, so ‘no', I wasn't happy." Smiling at Tara, "But if I looked at my own little happiness scale now, I can see what I had and what was missing. I've reconnected with my friends. I stopped worrying about when the next novel would come. I've met this great woman who puts up with all my drama and stays in on a Saturday night with me looking at paint swatches. I'm happier now than I've been in a very long time."

Tara smiled, clearly touched by her inclusion in Willow's reasons for happiness. "I'm glad you're happy."

Nodding along, "So am I. The real question is, are you?"

She allowed her head to drop again with her cheek resting against the seat cushion. "I think...yes. I am happy. I mean my job isn't saving the world or anything, but maybe I'm serving coffee to someone that can." Giggling, "I might be stretching that a bit, but it's not stressful and it pays my way right now. I think when I'm really ready for that dog, I'll figure out a way to make it happen. My friends are great and we look after each other." Remembering the last part of Willow's declaration, she continued. "Just so you know. I'd rather spend a hundred evenings looking at paint swatches with you, than one swimming through an endless pool of drunken losers or self-centered snobs."

Their eyes naturally drifted to each other and lingered. Willow felt herself being drawn in to Tara's and for a few seconds she was powerless to stop. When she felt a shift beginning between them, she blinked but didn't look away. "So colors?"

Tara smiled shyly, realizing the spell over them needed to be broken before she did something she'd regret. "Yep. Have you settled on anything?"

"I'm thinking about this shade of brown." She held up a sample that was a warm suede. "What do you think?"

Grinning, "I'm not a bit surprised that you want to paint your living room to look like chocolate."

She lowered her eyelids in a scowl, but her smile never faded. "Hush. Is it too dark?"

Tara reached for the sheet, their fingers brushing in the process. She held it out in front of her and moved her arm to see the color at different angles. "Actually, I think it would look really nice in here. With the Berber carpet and hardwood it'll really warm up this room."

"Yeah?" She asked eagerly.

Tara's smile spread wider when she saw Willow's enthusiasm. "Definitely." She watched the same face transition from happy to disgruntled in a matter of seconds. "Why the frowny?"

"It just stinks that the furniture won't be here in time for the party." Her lip pushed forward in to a pout.

"Would this be the furniture that you haven't decided on and therefore haven't ordered? You're also upset it won't be ready for your party that is a week away?" Tara wasn't mocking, but found ever so often she needed to pull Willow back in to reality.

The words drew out a hardy ‘huff' from Willow. "Sure when you say it like that it makes me sound completely irrational." She watched one questioning eyebrow arch. "Fine. So I'm being irrational. It still stinks."

"I know you're just excited sweetie, but you have very nice things here and your apartment will look great. So no more frowny face?"

"Okay," she responded with a nod. "I can't believe it's only a week away..." She noticed Tara's smile falter and responded with a questioning gaze. "I thought you said no more frownies?"

Tara sighed and spoke in a more monotone voice. "I can't believe it's a week away."

Willow reached out and gently placed her hand atop Tara's arm. "Hey. What's going on in there?"

She shook her head and smiled. "Just me being silly. I've never really done too well with crowds."

"I know you told Dawn you'd be there, but if you're really uncomfortable..." She paused, considering what might put Tara at ease. "I'll be there? We could work out a code...ooh like a signal or something and I can come rescue you, but if you don't want..."

"I want to come." Looking up shyly, "I'd um...I'd like to meet your friends." Her confession brought a relieved smile to Willow. "So...can you tell me a little more about them for conversation purposes? Just so I don't trip over myself?"

"Sure. I know you'll be fine, but here goes. Buffy and Dawn are really close, but the evening won't be complete until they've bickered about something stupid. Their parents divorced when they were pretty young and they never hear from their dad. Her mom left the house to both of them, so Buffy has free room and board but has to hold down the fort. I think it gets lonely for her sometimes..."

Tara smiled sympathetically, "That must be hard."

"Sometimes I think it is. Other times I think she really likes it. Like she feels needed, which is really important to her. Keeping the house has let her do all these different things, trying to figure out what she likes. Right now she's working for this landscape company. It's good for her ‘cause it's physical which she needs, but it also let's her be creative. She's got this great mind for it which I don't think anyone really expected."

"It must be great to work outside all the time and have your hands in the dirt." Tara closed her eyes, imagining Buffy's job.

"Yep. You two will definitely hit it off. I'm more of a potted plant gal myself...and it should really be a cactus ‘cause I'm not always good with the watering so I think I'm on some most wanted list in the plant community."

"You goof." She slid her arm under her face and laid comfortably watching Willow talk.

"And let's see...there's Xander. We've known each other since we were little. His house was right next door to mine until middle school so we would always play together."

"Oooh...so I can hit him up for good young Willow stories?" She grinned when she saw Willow's horrified expression.

"Don't you dare! Those stories should forever remain within California limits."

"Well we'll just have to venture there then." Tara giggled, enjoying the torment.

Willow cocked her head to the side and gave her a mysterious smile. "Hmmm...maybe...So anyway...Xander is of course my oldest friend. I think I told you I had a huge crush on him growing up, but now it's like 'Ew. What was I thinking?' He's a good guy, but he's like a brother to me. He's not so lucky in the love department. He's been in this on again off again relationship with a woman out there, though you can never really be sure which they are."

"That doesn't sound very good."

"I think Xander is a little masochistic when it comes to love. She's okay but seems a little high strung for him. Sometimes I wish he and Buffy would fall in love and live happily ever after." Willow giggled at the thought.

"And how do they feel about that idea?" She continued to lay on the couch watching Willow and enjoying her various expressions as she told stories.

"I think Xander would be thrilled. He's always sort of had a thing for her. Not so sure about Buffy. She tends to go for the bad boy, but he'd be really good for her. She'd be good for him too, but you don't pick who you love." She shrugged.

A wistful look swept over Tara. "This is very true."

"I'm trying to think of what else to tell you. He just moved in to his own place so he's all excited about that. You can talk to him about anything."

Tara nodded. "What about Oz?"

"Assuming he shows up...I love him to death, but you can't always count on him to be somewhere. He's really smart, but doesn't talk a lot so conversations aren't always the easiest thing to maintain with him. I won't lie. If he makes a dry comment and speaks in mostly mono-syllabic sentences you're doing fine. He's a music nut so you can always fall back on that." She watched Tara nod along as if attempting to permanently record the information in her memory banks. "Tara, look at me."

The blonde slowly shifted her line of vision. "Hmmm?"

"You are going to be fine. You are charismatic and funny. I can't imagine anyone ever meeting you and not immediately falling in to very deep like. So please don't worry." She watched one corner of Tara's mouth curve up in to a sexy smile. I wonder if anyone else gets that smile? I hope not.

A new fear began to emerge in Tara's mind. "What should I wear?"

"You're just full of questions tonight, aren't you?" she teased.

Tara stuck her tongue out. "I'm assuming you sent out invitations which probably had a dress attire suggestion. I'd hate to show up under dressed...or over dressed for that matter."

"I didn't really specify. I think the kids will probably be more casual. I'm wearing slacks and top if that helps you decide."

"Can I see?" She batted her eyes innocently.

"Nope. It's a surprise." Willow grinned.

Tara eyed Willow with interest. "Now why would it need to be a surprise?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. It's just...you haven't really seen me dressed up so I thought it'd be kinda fun." Her cheeks flushed a little.

"Why Ms. Rosenberg, if I didn't know better, I'd say you're trying to impress me." Am I seriously flirting with her? Is this flirting? Does she realize she's flirting?

"Maybe," an enigmatic smile played across her face.

Huh. "Guess I'll have to go through my closet then. I don't know the last time I was anywhere that required anything nicer than a pair of khakis."

"Awww...don't stress out about it. Anything slinky will do just fine." Even as she said it, Willow questioned her boldness and struggled to keep her face impassive.

Tara's shocked expression turned out to be too much and Willow's eyes sparkled with amusement. "You rat." She rolled up one of the catalogs and reached out to swat her.

Willow threw her arms up in defense and caught Tara by the wrist. With her other hand she pealed away each finger and the catalog fell to the ground. "Tsk, tsk. No fair attacking me."

"You were so asking for it." Willow was still holding on to her wrist, but she made no effort to pull it away.

"Maybe," she admitted. Willow also noticed she was still holding on to Tara and awkwardly released her arm. A few seconds later she captured Tara's hand with her own. At first she simply held it lightly, but soon began to massage her fingers.

Tara lay her head back down on her arm and gazed at Willow through half-lidded eyes. "I'll give you a month to stop that."

Willow smiled and scooted closer. "You like?"

"Mmm," she gave up keeping her eyes open and allowed the lids to drift shut. With the loss of vision, she found her sensitivity to Willow's touch heightened. "Your hands are....mmm...."

Willow continued her ministrations, smiling ever so often when Tara let out a happy sigh. They sat together enjoying the quiet. Eventually she slowed her movements and received a soft grumble. "Other hand?"

"Yay." Tara rolled over on to her back and stretched her left arm over her eyes. She held out her right one and sighed when she felt Willow's warm hands clasp hers.

Slowly Willow began squeezing the palm and then moved out one finger at a time. Down. And up. Back down. "Your skin is unbelievably soft."

"Mine?" Her voice was low. "Your fingertips feel like velvet." She sighed again when Willow worked back up to her palm. Tara's chest tightened and she released a shaky breath. The pressure released and spread a delicious warmth in to her belly. It pulsed and rumbled before moving lower and settling.

Willow continued her movements, delighting in Tara's range of sighs and moans. When she felt a stab behind her eyes, she cursed under her breath. She ceased the massaging and began lightly caressing the skin. Eventually the motions slowed further and she squeezed Tara's hand once more before releasing it.

When she felt the loss of Willow's touch, Tara couldn't withhold the whimper of protest. One eye opened slowly and she caught a pained look on Willow's face. "What's wrong?"

Willow tried to alleviate some of the concern she saw on Tara's face by offering a small smile. "It's no big deal. Just a little headache. I think the 'one week until I play hostess' countdown just set in."

Tara pushed herself up and swung her legs over the couch. "C'mere." She motioned for Willow to scoot back and settle between her legs.

Willow hesitated, "But you're supposed to be all nice and relaxed now. No sense getting all uh...unrelaxed?"

Both eyebrows rose, daring Willow to argue with her. "I feel very relaxed and now you should feel the same, so come here and lean back."

Recognizing Tara's resolve, Willow did as she was told. Tara's knees embraced her and she felt a shiver course through her body. The last fleeting thought before Tara's hands were in her hair was whether the blonde felt anything when they touched.

Fingertips tingled as they glided through silky tresses. Very gently, Tara worked her way down behind Willow's ears and padded a steady rhythm into the skin. The pressure she used changed as she moved around and she smiled when Willow's head fell back in to her hands. "Is this okay?" she whispered.

"God, yes." The words came out with a satisfied groan.

"Good." She was happy to help any way she could, but found herself enjoying this nearly as much as Willow. Since coming to terms with her little crush, she often wondered how it would feel to touch the fiery locks. Imagination could not compete with this new reality. Her hands worked their way closer to the temples.

When Tara's fingers pushed in to her temples, Willow groaned. The spot was a release valve for the building pain and after the initial flood of discomfort, she was rewarded with the pleasure of Tara's talented fingers. She leaned slightly to the right and rested her cheek against Tara's leg.

Occasionally, Tara dragged her nails across Willow's scalp and felt the slight shivers the motion caused. She would weave strands between her fingers and slowly move back. When she finally spoke, her voice was barely a whisper. "Now if I'm not allowed to worry about the party, you shouldn't either."

"Well you are not the hostess of said party. Much fretting with that role. It comes with the territory. That feels amazing by the way."

"No more fretting from this point on. If you need help, I'm here. It's going to be fun and all of you are coming together because you love Dawn. No sense having bad thoughts about that."

Willow smiled and gave a slight nod. "You're right. I need a Tara-voice in my head all the time to reboot me when I'm over-thinking."

"Nah. You do well on your own. Sometimes I think you just need a cheerleader." She brought her hands down and worked over the tight muscles of Willow's neck.

"I've been thinking..." Willow started.

Tara waited for Willow to continue, but after a long pause spoke up. "Did you fall asleep."

"Not quite yet," she teased. After a deep breath, she spoke in a nervous rush. "I got you something...not a shopping something, but...well it's just something I've been thinking about for awhile and..."

"Willow. Spit it out." She wasn't usually impatient, but if she didn't give Willow a jolt, the redhead often forgot her point.

"Right. Sorry." She rolled slightly to her left so it was possible to reach into her right pants pocket. Instead of turning to face Tara, she held it out over her shoulder. The tip of her finger stuck through the ring, which swayed slightly . "Keys," she said unnecessarily. Her eyes stared ahead and she froze, unsure of Tara's reaction and afraid to turn and find out.

Blue eyes widened in surprise. Several seconds passed in stunned silence before a smile broke out on Tara's face. The gesture caught her off guard and she was unsure what to say. "I..."

Assuming the worst, Willow started to pull her hand away. "Sorry. It was stupid."

Before it was out of reach, Tara snatched the key ring from Willow's clutches. "No. You just caught me by surprise."

Relieved, Willow finally turned around to face her. "I just thought...It makes sense for you to have a set. I'm known to misplace mine from time to time. I also figured if you were coming over and I wasn't here then you could get in. I know that's never happened before, but..." Flustered, "I had a whole logical explanation in my head."

Tara gave her a pleased smile. "Thank you. It means a lot that you trust me with this."

It was Willow's turn for surprise. "Of course I trust you. I hope you knew that before now. I don't go passing out keys to just anyone."

Chuckling, "That's a relief." She winked and grinned. "Now I can't believe I'm prompting this particular subject change, but did you make any decisions on furniture?"

Willow's face brightened. "I think so. I haven't settled on a color yet, but I'm very taken by the snuggle chair."

Tara cocked her head to the side and grinned down at Willow. "I'm uh...not sure I know that model."

"Oh it's a very enticing chair. There are a couple different styles but basically they're those over-sized chairs with the cushy pillow on the back. You can even get a matching ottoman. In all the pictures they look so comfy and enticing and would be very conducive to cuddling." She twisted around again and leaned against the couch.

"Ah...hence the name snuggle chair." They both giggled. Tara shifted behind her. "So um...is there someone in particular you want to um...to break in the chair with you?"

Tara's hesitation made her pause briefly. Since Willow was faced away, Tara couldn't see the impish grin playing on her face. "To be honest I'm working under the ‘Field of Dreams' theory."

"And what is that, exactly?" Blue eyes twinkled with amusement as she listened to Willow explain.

"Good question. The way I see it, if I have the chair, the snuggles will naturally find me."

"Mmm...interesting approach." Tara searched her memory for anyone Willow may have mentioned that would make a snuggle partner. Though no one immediately came to mind, she couldn't help but frown.

"I admit, it might not be the traditional approach, but I say ‘why not'. Anyway, all my furniture is so uppity. It'll be nice to have something comfy." She picked up another catalog and flipped open to a picture of the chair they were discussing and held it out for Tara to see.

Tara couldn't help but imagine being wrapped up with a special someone in such a chair. She pretended that her fantasy someone wasn't Willow. A wistful sigh passed by her lips, causing the redhead to look over at her.

"Are you okay?" Willow worried that Tara was still nervous about the upcoming party.

Broken from her thoughts, Tara shrugged. "Just thinking about the chair. I like your theory."

Picking up on Tara's melancholy, Willow twisted and reached out to touch her knee. "Maybe you should get a snuggle chair."

Chuckling, "Maybe I should."

"You're quite snuggly from what I can tell." Willow blushed, "I mean...anyone would be lucky to snuggle with you."

Tara raised one eyebrow suspiciously. "So you say."

"Trust me. The snuggles are just waiting for you. I'm usually right about these things." She winked at Tara and turned back to lean against Tara's legs again.

I desperately hope you are. "We'll see, won't we?"

The redhead dropped her head so she could look at Tara upside down. "Yes we will." Tara's hands rested on her shoulders and squeezed lightly. "So Tara..."

"Hmm...?" She was still distracted by the unusual turn of the evening.

Willow put on her most charming face. "How do you feel about painting?"