Author: ophelia11
Rating: PG-13 for pottymouths and innuendo. Strong chance for naughtiness later on.
Disclaimer: The story is mine. The characters are not. :(
Feedback: Pretty please? Please leave feedback on the Impulse thread on the Kitten Board.

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. ~Albert Schweitzer

Tara was content to remain silent the remainder of the evening. However, she suspected doing so would lead to a change in positions and she wasn't ready to leave the security of Willow's arms. "Tell me more about your friends."

"Really? You know you're opening a floodgate here. I mean we are talking the mother of all babbles." Hearing no objections, she burrowed her body further in to the couch. "Better get comfy then."

Please. Give me an excuse to get closer. Tara's arm stretched out across Willow's stomach. Having never had this type of relationship with anyone before she struggled with what position was appropriate. She slipped her right leg slightly over and between Willow's. "Go on."

Excited by Tara's interest, Willow became more animated. She resumed tracing her hand along Tara's arm oblivious to the shiver it caused. "So I already told you Xander and I grew up together. Since we both had absentee parents, we were always off on our own getting in to mischief. Adding to that our distinctly absent popularity and...well you get the point." She giggled thinking back on their childhood. "He was my first boyfriend."

"Oh?" Whose dumb idea was this?

"Yeah. For like a week in sixth grade. He just wanted to touch a boob and when I didn't let him, we broke up."

"How very respectable." She closed her eyes, imagining a junior high aged Willow adamantly protecting her modesty and chuckled.

"Darn tootin'. Anyway, we stayed friends though I carried a torch for years." She chuckled. "Then I moved away and Buffy came to town in high school. From that point on his adolescent mind was all consumed with the buxom, blonde cheerleader. It was cool though. I pined after Xander. Xander pined after Buffy. Buffy pined over whichever hot guy walked by." She smiled when she felt Tara laughing against her.

"Wouldn't the circle have been complete if Buffy had a crush on you?" She snickered thinking of how the friends' crushes didn't work out.

"You'd think, but I did mention the whole geek thing. Trust me. No one was crushing on high school Willow."

"Awww." Tara shifted to look up at the redhead who responded with an 'oh well' smile. "I'm sure you were quite adorable and all those boys were just stupid."

Willow giggled at her friend. "I met Oz the first day of college and we morphed into an 'us' pretty quickly. After that I really forgot about crushworthy Xander and I could look at him as my buddy again. He's never had much luck in the women department. If I had to describe his type, it would be the overly self-confident woman that likes control. Xander's such a sweetie but he tends to go for the aggressive ones. Three months later they've broken up, he's given over his car, and he's walking to work."

"Aww." Tara liked the sound of Xander and could certainly relate to his lackluster relationship history. "And Buffy?" She knew it wasn't fair to ignore Willow's mention of a boyfriend but she just couldn't quite bring herself to learn more.

"She liked dating a lot more than settling down. There was an older guy she went with for awhile, but that didn't end too well. Once I moved back to Sunnydale for college we usually hung out as a big group. Oz, Buffy and I were at school and Xander bounced around between odd jobs."

"You and Oz were together awhile?" She swallowed hard and concentrated on the even rhythm of Willow's heartbeat.

"Yeah. I guess we were." She became quiet as she reflected on her ex.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up a bad subject. You must have loved him." Could you be any more pathetic about this?

Willow's brow furrowed at Tara's words. Why in the world is she upset asking about a 10 year old relationship? "I did. For awhile, I really did, but I don't think I ever really got him back then, you know? Like he was super smart, but never said much. Made casual conversation a little more challenging."

"But you stay in touch now?" Her stomach was rumbly and she searched her mind for a subject change.

"Yeah. Turns out we knew each other a lot better than we thought. We still wouldn't have made it. Now we talk on the phone like normal people. Weather, girl advice, music. Did I tell you he was in a band? That was one thing we could talk about for hours. He's still big knowledge-man when it comes to upcoming bands."

"So Willow Rosenberg and a bad-ass musician?" She couldn't help but smile at the odd pairing.

"Sorta. He was never the lady-killer type. Still isn't. He's so funny. Here he is this cute, mysterious guy that is lead guitarist in a band and he still calls me for a pep talk before he asks a girl out." She spoke of Oz fondly, but without longing. "So what about you? Bosom buddies with any of your exes?" Willow giggled. "So maybe not bosom...but..."

Tara pinched her side causing Willow to squeal. "It's a pretty short list and no on both fronts."

"That's too bad." Willow trapped Tara's hand, preventing any further attacks. "I can't imagine not staying friends with you."

"Oh you smooth talker." She wondered if Willow realized she was holding Tara's hand against her. Regardless, she wasn't about to protest.

"It's true though. I mean I know the friend thing can't happen every time or anything, but I just don't get it." She brought their joined hands up and flexed her fingers before meshing them back with Tara's.

"I think I'm a case of 'what you see is what you get'. The girls I've dated? I think they go in expecting something more. Like maybe a dark side? When they find out I'm not some closet wild child they usually move on." Her recount was very matter-of-fact.

Willow released Tara's hand so she could wrap her arms around the taller woman's shoulders. "Well then, they were definitely not the right girls for you."

Dammit, Willow. When you say things like that you fool me in to thinking you're the right one. "Do you still talk to Buffy and Xander regularly?"

"Subject change is noted and topic can be filed away for now, but I was serious, Tara. Someone is gonna come along and sweep you off your feet."

Someone already has. "We'll see."

Satisfied, Willow nodded. "We used to talk all the time, but after the attack...I just sorta cut everyone off. Not completely. It was just...it was hard. Right after it happened it was easier to feel nothing. The only way I could push away the fear and the violation was to keep everything away."

Tara pushed herself up so she could look in to Willow's eyes. "I'm glad you opened yourself back up."

"Me too...for the most part." She was unable to hide the distress on her face.

Noting the change, Tara cocked her head to the side and looked back with concern. "What do you mean?"

"Well good things happen like meeting this really cool woman who gets my jokes and can sit and talk to me for hours which translates to me rambling breathlessly most of the time without restraint and she still wants to hang out with me." It was at that point that Willow's frown returned. "The bad part is that the nightmares come back a lot more."

Realization hit Tara like a ton of bricks. "You still dream about the attack?"

Willow nodded. "Sometimes it's that. Sometimes it's things that didn't really happen but it's like my mind thinks they could? I don't know. I see these images firing behind my eyes. Regardless of what they are, it always ends with me alone and lost in the dark." When she looked back up at Tara she was overwhelmed by the worried blue orbs staring back. "Oh, Tara. I'm sorry." Pointing to herself, "Pessimistic much?"

"I um...I know a little about nightmares myself." She offered a sympathetic smile. "Don't be embarrassed. The dream is bad enough but it's waking up in those first minutes when you're disoriented."

"Yeah. There are always those first moments not knowing where you are and um...not knowing what's real." They shared a look of unfortunate understanding. "What happened?"

A veil of blonde hid Tara from Willow's knowing gaze and shielded herself from painful memories. "I told you my father wasn't a very nice man. Sometimes when the yelling wasn't enough, he used his fists for extra emphasis."

The redhead couldn't stop her mouth from dropping. "Tara...I..." Unsure what to say, she dropped her hands to rest along her side.

Tara was still propped up, watching her calmly. "Shhh..." Her gentle smile returned and she placed a hand over Willow's and squeezed. "I've made my peace."

"How?"

She smiled down at Willow. "It wasn't for him. I ran as far from him as I could, but he was still in my head. It wasn't about forgiveness exactly, but I had to move on." Strangely, she couldn't remember the last time she'd thought about her father or the hitting. It no longer brought with it the dull ache it once had. Sure, there was sadness, but at some point the fear faded away. She sunk back in to Willow's waiting arms and felt instantly comforted.

"So maybe I won't have the nightmares forever?" Willow's voice was childlike and full of such hopeful innocence.

Tara's heart swelled and it took all the control she could muster not to wrap herself around the smaller redhead and kiss her in to their next lifetime. When she finally spoke, her voice was thick with emotion. "Oh I think that's a definite." She placed her hand over Willow's heart. "I'm glad you opened this back up. I think if we fill it up with good thoughts then there won't be any room for bad dreams."

"I like that. Let the good times roll." They both giggled. "So I've told more than my share of stories tonight."

The blonde smiled against Willow's shoulder. "I like your stories."

"Mmm hmmm." Willow used two fingers to lightly trace along Tara's upper arms. "I'm thinking that you have embarrassing stories tucked away and you owe me."

"Oh really? I don't recall promising that." Her idle fingers were on the verge of getting her in to trouble. She gently ran the hem of Willow's shirt between her fingers.

"Taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaa!!!!" She huffed.

Tara turned her face further in to Willow's shoulder trying to stifle her laughter. "Wow, that was whiny."

Flushing slightly, Willow was quiet for a few minutes while she considered a different approach. Finally deciding that manipulation would likely not work, she settled on a more direct route. "Please?"

Damn. I'm in so much trouble here. "Well...um...what kind of story did you want?"

Willow's excitement bubbled over and she squeezed Tara tighter in her arms. "Yay! I want a cute childhood Tara story."

"Hmmm...I don't know if I have any cute stories." She mentally scrolled through her more pleasant childhood memories. "I um...I once tried to make a flute?"

"O-kaaay. The story has potential. Continue." She stretched her toes and bounced them against the arm of the couch.

"Why do I get the distinct impression you'll wait until the end of the story and decide you want a different one?" She turned to look up at Willow and raised one eyebrow.

"I assure you I don't know what you are saying, ma'am." She offered an impish grin and batted her eyes.

"Uh huh." Tara rolled on to her side and propped up her head with one arm. Her body still rested against Willow's but this new position allowed her to tell her story and observe the redhead's reaction.

At first, Willow was disappointed by this new position, immediately missing the warmth of Tara's body. However when she saw shimmering blue eyes looking back at her, she decided this view had its advantages.

Tara smiled shyly and began. "I must have been about six or seven. I don't even know how the idea came in to my head. We had to play those little plastic recorders in music class and they were always so shrill."

Willow nodded along. "It sounded like geese getting stepped on."

"Exactly. So I guess I thought if I could make one it wouldn't be so bad. Since I didn't have plastic or metal or anything, I figured I'd make a wood flute."

"So how exactly did seven-year-old Tara make a wood flute?" She couldn't help the grin forming as she pictured a small, eager blonde trying to make a musical instrument.

"Ah...here comes the fun part. I told my mom what I wanted to do and she just nodded along like it was the most brilliant idea. I'm not sure how she got my father to play along but he did." Tara paused briefly to shake her head, trying to remind herself how she ended up telling this story. "So I went to the wood pile behind the house and found this thin log..."

"A log?" The smile was widening and green eyes twinkled.

"Hush. So I got my log and sat under this big tree in the back yard. I had to peel off the bark, you know."

"Of course."

Tara rolled her eyes but the smile remained firmly planted on her lips. "Once it was all smooth I went back to my mom 'cause I didn't know how to make the holes. That's when my dad got involved. He was actually really nice about it."

Willow watched Tara's features soften for the first time when speaking of her estranged father. A part of her wanted to reach out and touch her, but feared breaking the spell. "So what did he do?"

"Well he sat me on a stool in the garage. He never really explained what he was doing but I was just so excited to be there with him. He found this really long drill bit and was able to make a hole all the way down the log. After that he gave me a pencil and let me mark where the holes went."

"This was a very detailed project." Willow loved the story but a part of her ached, irrationally wanting to go back in time so she and Tara could've been friends growing up. My experiments and her instruments. We would've been quite the pair. She continued to smile up at the blonde.

"Of course. Couldn't have an inferior flute now." Smirking, "So after he drilled the holes he used some sort of saw to cut an angled piece out toward the top so that the air could pass through just like a real recorder. He gave me a piece of sandpaper and told me to sand the whole thing smooth so I wouldn't get any splinters." Tara chuckled to herself, "I must have sat half the afternoon smoothing all the edges. I brought it back to him in the garage and he took me to the cabinet and told me to pick out some paint."

"Ooh! You painted it too?"

Tara couldn't help the surprise she felt at Willow's reaction. She always looked at the story as another example of her foolishness as a child. Now watching Willow, she began hearing the story and seeing it unfold through Willow's eyes instead of her own. Suddenly she wasn't the stupid, backward girl of her memories and instead was a curious one, not unlike a younger Willow. She decided she liked this change. "Yep. I picked the yellow and he gave me a brush and pushed my stool up to the work bench. He told me to be very careful and not spill a drop. Once I finished he took the paint and brush from me. He said he had to put a seal on it but that was something grown-ups had to do."

"How long did that take?" Willow felt as if she was right there with Tara, anxiously awaiting the completion of her new toy.

"I had to wait until the next day. I remember getting up really early and my father handed it to me without a word. He kinda shook his head at me but it wasn't the usual disappointed look. Then he just went back to work so I ran in to the house to show mom. She was smiling at me and sat patiently while I tried it out." Tara's brow furrowed. "I blew and blew and no sound would come out. I was so bummed."

Willow, however, was smiling broadly up at her. "It's so cool that you made a flute. I mean that you even thought to make one."

"Might I remind you it was a defective flute?" Tara grinned back at her.

"But a brightly colored one," she offered enthusiastically, "and you worked so hard and everything. It's just really neat that you did that."

"In hindsight, a log was probably not the best material to start." Tara shrugged.

"Probably not." Willow's smile matched the blonde's, but as they continued to watch each other, both faded slightly. The lighthearted space from just a few moments earlier was slowly being replaced by something deeper. The redhead moistened her lips nervously as she continued watching Tara.

Don't look at her lips. Don't look at her lips. Don't. Look. At. Her. Lips. Intent on maintaining her focus, Tara's eyes remained locked on emerald orbs. Within them she saw a battery of Willow's emotions crashing and melding. There was pain and confusion and hurt that seemed to reach the deepest abyss of her darkened pupils. However, swirling and widening around the darkness were streams of hope and love, resisting and pushing back from those emotions. Tara also saw weariness that seemed to linger beneath the surface with everything Willow did.

Willow was tempted to shy away from the intensity of Tara's gaze. However, the more she tried to look anywhere else, the more she found herself inexplicably drawn to her. Please don't kiss me. I can't hold it all in if you kiss me. Don't kiss me. Don't kiss me. Tara's eyes never faltered as they held the redhead gently in her sites. Don't. Kiss me. They were teetering now. Willow felt them swaying, though logically she knew they were still. Seconds passed and Tara blinked several times before giving in to a building yawn.

Crash.

The moment was broken and whatever magic it once held spilled out and was lost. Dammit. When Tara looked back, Willow was smiling again and looking at her warmly.

"Why didn't you tell me you were sleepy?" Willow moved to sit up, forcing Tara to extricate herself from Willow's limbs.

"I'm not." At Willow's challenging gaze, she amended, "well, I wasn't." Blushing, "It kinda snuck up on me."

"Darn sneaky sleepy bugs." Willow nodded her head in disapproval of this latest development.

She says the cutest things. Tara reached out and squeezed Willow's knee as she stood up. "Let me get you some blankets and things. I'll be right back."

Several seconds passed before Willow was recovered enough from Tara's touch to speak. She called out, "Are you sure this is okay? I mean...I could call a cab..." The offer hung there, though she desperately hoped Tara would not consider it.

Tara emerged from her bedroom with several blankets and a pillow balanced in her arms. She peered over the stack to look back at Willow. "Don't be silly. Do you want to go?"

Willow fidgeted on the couch before finally admitting, "Not really."

At the moment, Tara was grateful for the stack in her arms that hid her beaming smile. "Then it's settled." She deposited the bedding on the opposite cushion and turned toward the bathroom. Willow watched as Tara disappeared behind the door and emerged with some small towels which she set along the sink. Tara stepped out of the room and walked closer to Willow. "You go freshen up and I'll get your bed ready."

"I can do it." Willow answered, more indignantly than she intended.

Chuckling, "I'm sure you can. Now shoo." Cerulean eyes twinkled as they watched Willow's resolve fade and the redhead retreated to the bathroom. Once the door clicked closed, Tara sunk on to the couch. What a day. She shook her head absently, trying not to over-think everything that happened. With extra effort she managed to pull herself upright and bent over to pick up their picnic blanket and tossed it to the side. She pulled the cushions from the back of the couch and piled them on top.

Tara picked up a flat sheet from her pile and stretched it across the couch's surface. At one end she placed her extra pillow and then unfolded two blankets over the seats. Once the preparations were complete, she stepped back to see if there was anything else she could do to maximize Willow's comfort. She returned to the pile near the couch and pulled out two smaller pillows to prop behind the one already there. I could just invite her to curl up with me...

"You've been busy." She squeaked when Tara jumped, clearly startled. "Sorry. I thought you heard me."

The blonde turned and smirked. "Mm hmm. S'okay, though." She turned to face the redhead. "I think I have you all set." Turning back to examine her handiwork, "I wasn't sure how many pillows you liked, so I kinda built you a little fort." She felt silly now.

Willow, however, loved it and reached out to squeeze Tara's hand. "It's perfect." Their hands remained entwined as they put off the inevitable. "Thanks for letting me stay."??

Tara turned, "Thanks for opening up." Willow nodded and Tara regretfully withdrew her hand. "Do you need something to sleep in?"

Up until that point, Willow had given it no thought. "Um...maybe a pair of boxers?"

"Be right back." Tara left to retrieve a spare set of boxers, leaving Willow to idly consider what Tara wore to bed. Her eyes grew heavy as her imagination conjured various images. When Tara returned and interrupted those thoughts, Willow was slow to recover. "Are you okay?"

Willow flushed when she accepted the garment and mumbled, "Just worn out."

Tara seemed satisfied with this response. "I'm going to get ready for bed and then I'll be out of your hair. The lamp on the end table has a switch right under the bulb. You can flip it off whenever you're ready."

"Okay." Willow continued to watch her without moving.

"Oh...I'm sorry for the pillow. I usually don't have overnight guests so I had to give you one of mine." Tara felt a little embarrassed, but then, how could she have predicted Willow would ever stay over? This is a nice cosmic twist on my dreams, if I've ever seen one.

"This is fine...great." Pondering for a moment, "Are you sure you don't need it?"

"No I have another. I tend to um...to hug that one in my sleep." She felt her cheeks redden.

Tara's admission and following shyness only served to rumble the resting butterflies in Willow's stomach. "Well thank you for sharing then."

"No problem." They shared a final look and Tara retreated to the bathroom.

Once Willow was alone she quickly changed and stretched out on the couch. She reached over to turn off the lamp and then settled back in to her cocoon. The sounds of Tara preparing for bed further relaxed her and she struggled to keep her eyes open a few moments longer. Her efforts were rewarded a short time later when Tara emerged from the bathroom.

When the blonde opened the door, the main living area was dark. With the help of the moonlight, she quickly found the Willow-sized lump on her couch. Lips curved when she found Willow's eyes on her. "You're supposed to be sleeping."

"Pffft." Willow grinned broadly. "If I was asleep I woulda missed telling you goodnight."

Tara stepped forward and squatted in front of her. "We already said goodnight, silly."

"Well yeah. But that was more of a 'go get ready for bed' goodnight. This is a 'sleep tight, pleasant dreams, don't let the bed bugs bite' kinda goodnight. Completely different." Her head nodded once to punctuate her point.

Strangely, Tara found she could not argue Willow's logic. "We can't have that, can we?"

"Nope." Willow's eyes softened the longer she lay staring at the blonde. Finally, "Goodnight, Tara."

Willow's voice was dark and rich and sounded like chocolate. It started a warm glow building in the pit of Tara's stomach and she reached for the edge of the couch to keep herself from tumbling over. Now able to return a smile, she answered. "Goodnight, Willow." Before she could stop herself, she leaned forward and placed a light kiss on the tip of Willow's nose. "Pleasant dreams." Tara rose slowly and managed to keep herself from adjusting Willow's blankets or tucking her in further.

Willow could only watch as Tara turned and disappeared in to her bedroom. Burrowing down, she buried her face in the pillow, breathing in the clean, earthy scent. Tara. She fell asleep and dreamt of laying in fields of jasmine.